Mother vs. Mommy

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the word mommy. Well...MOST of the time. Are there times that I wish I could change my name and NEVER. TELL. ANYONE......MOST DEFINITELY! When I compare the word mommy to mother I remind myself that mommy is one of the BEST titles any woman can have. My heart BREAKS for the women who so long to be called that but for some reason or other they haven't been given that blessing. I pray that one day they will have that chance.

I called my mom mommy...now I call her mom. I'm sure most children eventually grow out of the word mommy and take up mom but it seems that the older generation use the word Mother. All of my aunts and uncles called my grandmother Mother. I suppose it was out of respect. I NEVER want to be called that by my children. I ALWAYS want them to call me mommy or mom as an adult. Mommy just seems....warmer, more loving.
I guess its only a word. As a mommy I can't keep a clean house, I can't keep up with laundry, I always have dishes in my sink, every. single. inch. of my floor is filled with shoes or clothes or TOYS, the walls of my house are covered in finger prints or crayon, my couches have been colored on-pooped on-peed on-thrown up on-and more I'm sure. My days consist of more diaper changes than one can imagine, nursing a newborn, occupying a toddler and TRYING to take a shower....and thats all before breakfast.

As terrible as all that may sound I LOVE my title. There is so much more to it than those things but I seem to get caught up in those 'hard moments' much more than I do the easy ones. You see tonight my son told me that he sang a solo in music class today (kindergarten). I asked him what he sang and you can imagine the PURE JOY AND PRIDE that creeped across my face when he said..."My chains are gone" That is an AWESOME song by Chris Tomlin. Of course he only sang the chorus but I just wonder how many of those children might not attend church and how much good him singing that simple chorus might cause. My two year old daughter KNOWS that when we go to bed we say our prayers and that before we eat we pray. These times are soooo special to me. As much as my 5 year old and my 2 year old fight...they play and laugh and love each other more. As much as my 6 week old cries...he smiles and coos and brings joy to our lives more.

I wonder if 'mothers' keep more organized and clean houses and children. Do they live more 'respectable' lives. I just don't know. I do know that I'm happy with being mommy. Maybe one day I'll learn how to be more organized...that wouldn't be so bad. But I believe I'll keep my title the same.

At the end of the day...MOMMY I love you is the SWEETEST sound. Mother I love you just doesn't have the same ring....

Zayne's Birth Story

We found out at the very end of January 2009 that we were expecting our third child. We decided early on that we would not find out the sex of the baby and wait for a surprise in the delivery room. Our due date was set for October 11th and although our little surprise tried come early at 25 weeks and then again at 34 weeks the doctors were able to stop him both times with medication. He was finally given the green light on September 20th (37 weeks). He waited one more week and we met our little boy on SEPTEMBER 28TH 2009. Early on Sept. 27th I began to have contractions. I DID NOT WANT to have baby that day. You see that day was homecoming at church and that is a Sunday I look forward to every year. I LOVE homecoming...and yes partly because of the food but hey...I'm baptist! So I was rather upset that morning as I called my mom (my husband had already left for work) and had to tell her that I needed to go to the hospital. So my mom came FLYING to my house. After all, my daughter came VERY quickly and we did NOT want to have baby at home. So we got to the hospital and my husband met us there...only to find that my contractions were slowing. THAT WAS GREAT now get me out of here and let me go get ready for CHURCH! So my mom and I leave the hospital after about and hour and my husband goes back to work. I go home and get myself and my two other children ready for church. All the while my contractions are coming back. By the time we get to church they are about 7-8 minutes apart and painful enough that I can not walk or talk through them. I sit through a wonderful church service and stay to eat. I'm REALLY starting to feel bad at this point and REALLY need to go home and rest. So I go home and lay down. The pain is getting pretty bad but not closer together. My husband comes home at 3 and we leave to do his 'second job' that we can do together. At 5pm I tell me husband that I can't take it any longer and we have to go back to the hospital. I didn't care if I had baby that day or not but they HAD to give me something for pain. Once we get to the hospital the nurse announces that I am 6cm and we will be having a baby! YAY! So I call GREAT friend of mine who planned to be at the birth and let her know. They expedite my epidural and I'm feeling AWESOME. Too awesome in fact. The epidural caused my blood pressure to drop VERY low. After 4 rounds of meds to bring it back up it was still VERY low. So a dr. came in and turned OFF my happy line (epi.) and gave me a shot of another type of medicine. Slowly my bp began to come back up and they were able to turn my happy line back on :). All the while my husband is SNORING on the couch in the room leaving Fay to help me through the pain. All I can remember from that time frame was her saying "In through your nose out through your mouth" and her using pressure to help alleviate that pain. THANKS FAY!!!! Around 12am Sept. 28th my Dr. (Dr. Laura Faruque) came in and announced that the baby's head was 'right there' and I was ready. So she got ready (and my hubby jumped up off the couch and put some gloves on because he was going to catch) and my epidural started working again...just in time I might add....and she said to push. I gave this whimpy little push and a half and out came my little surprise at 12:20am. My husband announced "It's an outtie" and our little baby boy had been born! My husband was able to help deliver him a little. He came out, or rather FELL OUT as some may put it :), a little too fast for Matt to actually be able to do very much. He was BEAUTIFUL! He weighed 6lbs and 4oz which was the smallest out of all of our children and he was 20in long.

After a rough pregnancy I was glad to finally hold 'baby no name' in my arms. We still had no idea what we would name him. Fay took pictures and held him and then she went home. My husband and I spent some time ooing and awing over him and then we rested. He is now 2 weeks 6 days old and ABSOLUTELY precious. We named him Brayden Zayne. He is not only my smallest child but he has also been my easiest child .....so far! As for the question that EVERYONE wants to know....Yes. I said that he was our final addition. Now...I'm not so sure. I have some issues with having a fourth child BUT those issues aren't too big for God. I guess we will just have to wait and see but it isn't out of the question :)

Movin' on up

I had a break down yesterday. Yes a breakdown...imagine that. You see I've known for the past 5 years that this day would come and I THOUGHT I was prepared. Nope. Nothing could have prepared me for this day. I've been waiting for a few weeks now on my sons letter from his school telling me who is KINDERGARTEN teacher is. This is his third year of school. He was in a 3 year old preschool class and a 4 year old pre-k class and I didn't have a problem with that at all. In fact, truth be told, I kind of enjoyed the break and it gave me one on one time with my newborn daughter. On August 1st I had my first little twinge of a broken heart. I realized at that point that in 25 days my baby boy, my FIRST born would complete a major milestone in his life. But even then it was just a little skip in my day. Yesterday was a WHOLE new story. My husband checked the mail and brought me the letter. It was a nice little letter from his new teacher and it all hit me HARD! I SOBBED my way through the letter and then I just sat and cried for 30 minutes because...well, because...he's growing up. Can I stop it? Can we go back? I continued to have weepy moments over the next few hours and would have to go and hold my son who had NO IDEA what was wrong with me. For those of you who haven't gone through it I imagine you are thinking I'm crazy but I'm not. All I could do was remember the tiny little baby I held in my arms the for the first time. I would remember the sleepless nights I spent rocking him in my arms because he wouldn't sleep and then the sleepless nights I spent running to his side to make sure all was well because he WOULD sleep through the night. I remembered the birthdays and the transition from a crib to a big boy bed, the first time I left him overnight to go on a vacation with my husband when I sat in the floor of my moms house and cried for an hour and almost didn't go because I would miss him too much. I could SEE these memories in my mind as I thought about them. My husband tried to console me. My SON tried to console me. He told me that when I missed him while he was at school I could lay in his bed and cuddle with his blankets and that if I wasn't at home then I could kiss the picture of him that hangs in my car. Those things just made me cry more because they aren't good enough. No one told me that kindergarten would break my heart into a million pieces. WHY CAN'T WE PAUSE TIME?!?!?! Of course I know the answer. God has MANY more good times for us and no matter how much I want to hold onto my son I can't. The truth is...he was never mine to hold to begin with. All I can do is trust that God will help me raise my handsome boy to be a man of God and serve Him in all that he does. Yes, I'm pregnant but I really don't think that has played a role in my emotions during this time as we're movin' on up.

Perfection or Satisfaction?

per·fec·tion
Pronunciation:\pər-ˈfek-shən\
Function:noun
1: the quality or state of being perfect: as a: freedom from fault or defect : flawlessness b: maturity c: the quality or state of being saintly
2 a: an exemplification of supreme excellence b: an unsurpassable degree of accuracy or excellence
3: the act or process of perfecting

Being Perfect. Biblically speaking, perfection is an unreachable goal. We are taught to STRIVE to be Christlike however Romans 3:23 states "....all have sinned, and fallen short of the Glory of God..." Therefore no one can be perfect because ALL have committed sin. This is straight forward and very blunt. Knowing very well that we cannot achieve perfection does not stop us from trying or even from claiming perfection. With that said.....


Even though we KNOW we will never reach perfection biblically we still have our ideas of what PERFECT is. What is it to you? To me it is waking up to my husband saying "Good Morning. Guess What? I love you more today than I did yesterday." and then him leaving to go to work to provide for His family. It is when my 22 month old daughter grabs my face and kisses me for NO REASON. It is when I tell my son that I love him to the moon and back and he looks at me with this smile of satisfaction on his face when he says "Well I love you to HEAVEN and back and that's farther so I win". It is the joy I have when my kids see that my husband is home from work and run to the door to meet him with more love than is imaginable and then that same love that I am met with when I am away from them on occasion. It is the peace I have KNOWING that MY GOD is so powerful that I don't have to worry about anything (even though I do because it is human nature). It is knowing how truly blessed I am and being able to "Praise Him in the storm" (when praising Him seems to be the hardest). And truly believing that "He will take you through the fire again". How awesome it is to feel like life is perfect and knowing that it can be SOOOO much better at the same time.

We rush through life looking for things we WANT and forget about the things we HAVE. I challenge the few people who may read this to sit back and look at the things you have that didn't cost you a dime. How simple it is to forget those things that are 'perfect'. Maybe it is better defined as being satisfied with the things that the God I serve has blessed me with instead of being focused on the things I don't have. Perfection or Satisfaction? Or maybe I'm just perfectly satisfied knowing that God has, God can, and God will. Yep that's it...PERFECTLY SATISFIED!

Under Construction!!!!!

YAY!!!! I finally took the time to make this look a little better!!! It is DEFINITELY a work in progress though. I still need to add some pictures and keep up with posts and maybe put a few more gadgets on here but at least I got started! Its been a long day so for now I'll leave it like it is. Anyone with comments on how to make it better feel free to let me know! It may not be as good as some that you can buy but I'm ok with it like is since it was FREE!

New found perspective....or rather reminded of an old one...

We've been busy lately. Hopefully I'll figure out how to make this page look better one of these days. Until then....

I mentioned in a previous post that we are expecting our 3rd child. I am now 30 weeks along. A mere 5 weeks ago we weren't sure if I would even make it this far. At 25 weeks I went to the dr with bad back pain and was sent straight to the hospital for a 2 night 3 day stay courtesy my doctor complete with amenities such as an IV of magnesium sulfate to stop contractions, 2 shots of steriods in the rear for lung develpment of the baby and even a bed pan because I was unable to get out of the bed for ANYTHING...oh and the food was to die for. I was officially stamped with PRE TERM LABOR. I begged and pleaded (literally) with my doctor to let me go home. In hindsight I KNOW it was what was best for the baby but I HATED every minute of it. Now I am on bedrest though I do ALOT more than I am supposed to be doing. Things have been going good for the most part. I never thought that bedrest would be as hard emotionally as it is. I was having some pretty rough issues being TOLD I couldn't do certain things. Those issues were something I felt VERY guilty about but I couldn't shake them. I talked to my doctor about them and she assured me that it was something that EVERY woman on bedrest deals with and it was perfectly normal. Not long after that I was reminded what a blessing it was to be able to carry a child. I had serious issues conceiving my second child, Alana. The road to concieving her was so hard complete with several losses and ALOT of anger. It seemed that I had forgotten that. I was so busy being down on myself because my life had been interrupted by this bedrest that I had forgotten what a glorious gift I had been given. Out of left field I was reminded in one day of the pain we went through to conceive our second child and of the pain we went through during the time of our losses. How selfish was I being! At one time in my life I would have done ANYTHING with NO complaints to keep our precious little baby safe. It was like a slap in the face. All the pain and heartache from the three years trying to concieve our little girl rushed back to me and I felt completely defeated. Defeated because I KNEW what it felt like to try and try only to love and lose but here I was complaining because of bedrest to KEEP my baby safe. I have since tried to have a better attitude and remind myself of the chance to carry God's gift again. I still have difficult days and I imagine those will continue but they don't and won't compare to the pain of those three years. I have 8-10 weeks left unless baby tries to share its secret with us early again and during those weeks I am going to do my BEST to keep my new found perspective!

Just a few things about us...

I realize that I haven't kept up with this like I wanted to but life is crazy with two kids!

My hubby and I were married in 2002. We had our son in 2004 and our daughter in 2007. We are expecting our final addition this Fall. Our marriage is one based on a true love for one another. We were friends before we dated and we 'courted' for over a year before we married. He is much older than I am though NO ONE would ever guess it and EVERYONE is surprised when they find out. Our marriage is one of the strongest marriages that I have encountered. That may sound boastful but I am very PROUD of that. We struggle...EVERYONE does but our struggles seem to make our relationship better and stronger rather than tearing us apart. I can count on one hand the number of times that we have gone to bed or left the house angry at one another. We try to always work things out even if we have to walk away for awhile and attempt to reconcile later...sometimes this takes a few tries but we always work things out. We don't argue often. We respect one another. There are SOOO many people who make marriage harder than it is. I just don't get that. Our marriage has not always been this way. It has never been 'bad' but our marriage is MUCH stronger now than it has EVER been. I love my husband and respect him more than anything in this world. ALOT of people disagree with me on that but I truly believe that God meant for the spouse to come before the children. How in the world do people expect to teach their children about love THE WAY IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE when they don't SHOW them by way of their actions with their spouse. That baffles me. I'm sure I'll touch on that again in future posts.

We are in the process of teaching Jordan so much about life. He is in the question stage and the questions continue to get harder. I can only pray that God gives us the right answers and then pass them on to our son who will have to choose what to do with those answers on his own one day. Our daughter is learning a ton these days. She shocks me daily with the crazy things she does that she sees one of us or Jordan do. Which brings me to another question that I will touch on in a future post. HOW do we as parents expect our children to only do as we say and not as we do. Several weeks ago in church, one of our supply pastors spoke some about parenting and asked some tough questions. I'll get into all that later but one of the questions was along the lines of, "Why do we push our kids to be on time for ball practice, school events, appts. ect. and then when it comes to church its ok to be late?" Wow! That hit me hard. We would fuss our children for not being prepared for class but then if they don't carry their BIBLE to church then we don't say very much...GOOD JOB US! Way to teach our kids about priorties huh?

Anyway, this has gotten alot deeper than I wanted for now so I'll stop but be on the lookout for more about this stuff!