Your First Birthday Is Near

Dear Zayne
My precious baby boy, you are turning one. You will be ONE. My last baby, you are going to be ONE. After what has been a very short year we are planning your first birthday.

Just two short weeks before you were born

It feels like just a few short weeks ago that I went to the doctor for what I thought was just a little back pain and was instead told to go straight to the hospital because at 25 weeks pregnant I was in preterm labor. After a weekend stay at the hospital and drugs to stop labor for me and steriods for you I was released only to come home to 14 weeks of bedrest...which I wasn't very good with by the way.

Then we met you. Our smallest little addition. You made us a party of five. I nice big round number. FIVE. You were perfect. You ARE perfect. My dear boy the last year has gone by way to fast. You are growing way to quickly. You are walking more and more everyday. Your little personality is really starting shine. Your smile brightens up the darkest of rooms. I am not the only person who says "That little boy can't help but smile". You are so happy, so healthy, so precious. You are mine. You have brought so much joy to our home the last year. I miss my tiny newborn but I love seeing you grow and learn. I've recently gone through all your clothes, newborn to 9 months and I have to admit, it made me cry some. I look back and remember how quickly you have grown. Our family didn't skip a beat when we brought you home. Your brother and sister accepted you from day one. Mommy and Daddy have some how figured out how to make this little family run. I am so proud to be your mommy. Even though I'm sad about how fast the last year has gone I am so excited to watch you become a toddler. I'm excited to teach you new things and excited to watch you play with your brother and sister. I'm excited to see you and your daddy play in the floor and I'm looking forward to the first time you say I love you mommy and wrap your little arms around my neck. There are so many things you will learn my precious baby boy. I pray that your heartaches are few and far between and I want you to know that now as a toddler and years from now as an adult that I will always be here for you. My prayer for you is that you will become a man who trusts God with everything and that you will not only have a burden for the lost, but my Dear Son, I pray that you will have the courage to reach out to them. Zayne I love you so much. It is amazing to me how I can love each of you with everything I have and all the same. I pray that you will feel our love everyday, no, every moment of your life. I pray that one day you will look back on your childhood and KNOW that you were loved. My precious little baby, in a few short weeks we will light one single candle and celebrate your first birthday. Today I am thinking of where I was one short year ago before you were born. I am reminded of how scared I was that I wouldn't be able to juggle life with 3 kids. But you have been easy and happy and haven't fussed very much at all along the way. Many days we got tangled up in the daily chaos of our family but dear boy I want you to know that I didn't miss anything. I noticed and praised all of your achievements and I've tried to keep note of when you reached new milestones. I caught them all and always will. You cry seldom, you smile often and you laugh more. You have completed our family and our lives are full.

Zayne I love you beyond words and completely. I always have and I forever will.

Love Mommy

A Few Hours Old

First time meeting your big brother and sister

ONE MONTH OUR TINY BABY

TWO MONTHS AND STILL SO TINY

THREE MONTHS STARTING TO ROLL OVER AND HANGING ON TO YOUR BLUE EYES

FOUR MONTHS LOVING YOUR BUMBO

FIVE MONTHS PLAYING WITH YOUR BROTHER AND SISTER

SIX MONTHS AND SITTING UP LIKE A CHAMP

SEVEN MONTHS AND ALWAYS HAPPY

EIGHT MONTHS AND ON YOUR WAY TO WALKING

NINE MONTHS SUCH A CUTIE


TEN MONTHS HANGING OUT WITH JORDAN AND ALANA


ELEVEN MONTHS AND SOOOO HAPPY!!!!!

TWELVE MONTH PICTURE COMING SOON!!!

Tell Me I'm Not ALONE!!!!!

I feel crazy. I feel like I have no idea what I want. I feel like I have no idea what I feel like. See. I told you I'm crazy. We have 3 precious children and I couldn't ask for anything more than we have. When we had Zayne we threw around the idea of having a fourth child and at one point decided that it was fine with us if thats what God has planned for us. So we were at a point of 'if it happens it happens' kinda thing. Then we talked about it more and decided that we both felt complete. And that is where we have been for the last 5 months or so. Zayne has been our easiest child. There was never any reason for us to slam down our fists and say "THATS IT! WE'RE DONE! WE CAN'T HANDLE ANOTHER CHILD". To be honest our 3 kids are probably easier than some singleton children with Zayne being the easiest. My pregnancy with him was REALLY hard and I have no desire to go through that again BUT there is no guarantee that would happen. The reason we decided to be 'done' is mainly because we {or rather I} are ready to be able to move out of the baby stage. We are ready to be able to do more things without having a baby in tow. Tell me that makes sense to some of you. I'm ready to be able to go places without a diaper bag and go to the beach without a baby, go to Disney world and let ALL my kids enjoy the rides, go camping, go places without wondering whether or not I'm going to be able to put my child down, go somewhere that I don't have to worry about what I'm going to do with the baby because he 'might put something in his mouth'. Am I making sense? I LOVE my baby and I DON'T DON'T DON'T want to rush him out of the baby stage but at the same time I don't think I want go down that road for a 4th time. AND THEN......I have these little twinges....sometimes those twinges feel more like a punch in the gut...that say 'YOU WANT ANOTHER BABY'. How can I be 110 percent DONE one minute then feel like I want another one the next?!?!?! We are happy as a family of 5 so why do I feel like this! I want to grow up as a family but here and there are the little things that make me soooo long for another baby. My 9 month old is getting WAY TOO BIG WAY TOO FAST so that may be part of the problem. I really can't see us having another one but then that makes me a little sad. SEE?!?!?! See how I go back and forth?!?!?! Please someone tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way! I guess the best way to put it is that we are finished having babies {unless of course we are surprised} but I am sad about it. Tell me I'm not alone!

I can't believe how big you have gotten!!!!!

9 Months. Are you sure? I'm in denial. In 3 short months my baby boy will be ONE and my sweet little girl will be THREE! No way. It isn't possible. But since everyone keeps reminding me about it I guess I will accept it and put a few things here I don't want to forget.

You are still ALL smiles ALL the time [well most of the time anyway].

You weigh in at a healthy 18 pounds.

You wanted NOTHING to do with baby food AT all so we have moved on to table food. You LOVE LOVE LOVE sweet potatoes and all things FRUIT. I don't have to mess with mashing anything up, you 'gum' it just fine.

You have TWO little teeth now. On the bottom, side by side. You have only bit me a few times while nursing and I think you have pretty much learned your lesson about that.

You still get up at night. There have been a few nights you didn't get up at all but for the most part you get up at least once and on occasion you get up more. I don't mind unless it is EVERY HOUR [which is seldom].

You speed crawl everywhere you go [and go you do].

Once you get to your destination you pull yourself up and cruise around. I have found you standing without holding on to anything several times. It is getting more and more often and for longer periods but you haven't taken any steps yet. I want you to walk but I have to admit...I am sad that it is happening so soon.


I love going into your room in the mornings. You don't cry when you wake up but instead you talk and play until I come get you unless of course I take to long and then you get rather mouthy. Once I get into your room you look up at me with a great big smile that makes me melt.

You have started to show some signs of being bashful especially around women. When they look at and talk to you, you smile a huge smile and bury your face in my shoulder or look down. I'm sure this phase won't last long as your brother and sister know NO strangers.

When Jordan is in the room you watch his every move. You love for Jordan and Alana to play with you and you already don't like it when someone takes a toy from you. I have a feeling I'm in for a few power struggles among the three of you BUT I also thing you three will be inseparable!

You LOVE the swimming pool. You will float around for as long as we stay in the pool. I just have to keep an eye on you because you like to lick the water and sometimes dip your nose in it too. You aren't a fish silly little boy.


I can still say that you have been the easiest baby!

The miracle of LIFE! There is nothing more precious than a sweet baby being born! A dear friend of mine allowed me the opportunity to be present once again when her sweet baby boy was born last night! I have witnessed 3 births not including my own and it NEVER gets old! I am so grateful that I was able to be there! Her sweet babe was born last night just after 9pm and she did it with no meds...for the 6th time. If you ask me she's nuts but I admire that! I can say I did it with no meds for 1 out of THREE. It was the middle child and I didn't CHOOSE that but rather had no choice and would NEVER do it again if given the option. My friend was so strong and she did an awesome job...I was sooo proud! She has witnessed one of my births also and IF [and thats a HUGE if] we have any more children I hope she'll be there...after all she's an expert! If you have children then you KNOW what its like to be in labor and to be honest there are only a very small handful of people that I would EVER allow see me in that manner. To be one of those people for her makes me feel very honored. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful friend!!!! I now have 4 of her 6 children in my home while she is in the hospital and her dear mother in law takes a much needed break...add that to my 3 and we have a houseful but I see it as a privilege to help such an awesome friend in such a special time! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR JASON CHARLES POOLE AND CONGRATULATIONS TO YOUR MOMMY AND DADDY!!!

Time is RACING BY!

So its been awhile. Zayne is SEVEN MONTHS OLD. Wow. The child is CRAWLING and he is PULLING UP. I wasn't quite ready for all this so soon. Alana was a very lazy little baby. She wasn't BEHIND but she sure did take her sweet time on getting to new milestones. Zayne is rushing things in my opinion. I miss my sweet newborn baby! Things are very bittersweet this time around. Milestones are always bittersweet for mommas because you're happy they are learning new things but unhappy they are growing up. This time is different. Zayne is more than likely (seriously) our last child so all these new things are also the 'last times' for me. It's hard to swallow that. So here are a few new things and last times I want to remember:

He is crawling EVERYWHERE. Pour thing follows me around all the time and by the time he gets to me I'm going somewhere else. Sometimes I wonder what he's thinking.

He is drooling on EVERYTHING. I feel NO teeth which is fine by me and my...well his food supply :)

He is still nursing and I have no plans of stopping anytime soon. I plan to let him self wiene...as long as he's done NO LATER THAN 2 lol. Ideally I'd like to be done by 18 months and I hope he feels the same.

A few days before he turned 7 months he started pulling up on a few things. It wasn't alot but I would walk into a room and find him standing up holding onto something. Now it is a daily thing when I walk in his room and find him standing at the rail of his crib and when I put him down he finds something to pull up on most of the time.

He smiles and laughs ALL THE TIME. This child is ALWAYS happy...unless he's hungry.

He likes people. I don't leave him often. Really the only place he stays without me is the nursery at church which is normally at least twice week and we have ZERO problems. No matter who is in there they tell me he was so sweet and they had no issues.

He likes food but I don't push it. He eats solids once a day and isn't a fan of store bought baby food AT ALL. He is a messy eater and still kind of pushes food out of his mouth...not sure whats up with that but he'll it get down soon I'm sure.

He is in 6-9 clothing and can wear some 12 month stuff depending on what it is.

He enjoys being outside...the change of scenery is much welcome I'm sure.

He is sleeping pretty good. Some nights are better than others but for the most part he gets up twice a night. He takes a 2-3 hour nap around noon and then cat naps during the afternoon and evening. He goes to bed around 9 and sleeps till about 7...normally getting up to eat around 12 and 4.

He is a CHAMPION SPLASHER. Seriously. You need to be wearing a towel around you when you give him a bath or else your clothes will be soaked through and through.

Alana and Jordan fight over him sometimes. They both really like playing with him and Alana doesn't understand why she can't pick him and carry him around like her brother does. Zayne LOVES watching them play. I really enjoy seeing the bonds that being made.

He has the BEST laugh and he gets this little smirky kind of laugh right after he eats. It just cracks me up.

Man I love this kid. I love all of my children. The love of a mother is just unimaginable unless you are one. I'm going to miss all of this but I sooo look forward to things to come.

Hurting.

Tonight I hurt. I am in pain...a pain you would not believe...unless you are a mother. BUT the pain I feel is absolutely NOTHING compared to what some mothers feel tonight, what they've felt, what more will feel, and what I can only BEG to NEVER EVER EVER fully understand. There is a sweet child by the name of Anna who just a mere 5 days ago was a normal 10 year old. 4 days ago she was put on a vent...tonight she is on a ECMO machine fighting for her life. 5 days ago she was diagnosed with a rare cancer. I can not fathom the pain this family is going through. I do not know them personally but Anna attends school where my son does. I had such a heavy heart since learning about all this. I always knew this stuff went on. I've always cried while watching the marathons on TV or listening to them on the radio. For some reason this has REALLY opened my eyes. I've done more reading of other children and other mothers and fathers and brothers and sisters and whole families who have had to say goodbye to their young children. Do I understand it? No. A HUGE RESOUNDING NO. Do I have faith that God has a plan? Yes. Does it still hurt? OH YEAH. I have hugged and kissed and said I love you to my children more in the last week than I usually do in an entire month. Every time they pass by me or look at me I am taking the opportunity to show them my love for them. I have prayed for them and prayed over them and touched them and watch them sleep. I am absolutely broken for these families. Broken to the point where all I can do is cry and pray. This has made me a better mother. I WILL be a better mother to my children. I'm not a bad mom to begin with but I have SOOO much room for improvement. My kids deserve better so thats what I will give them. I NEVER want to say I wish we had done this or I WISH I would have been able to do that. No more putting things off because I don't want to do it right then. Seriously?!?! How many mothers only WISH they could be 'bothered' by their child. My eyes have certainly been opened ALOT wider in the past week. I take so much for granted. No more. Go hug your kids, think about the mommas who can't, pray for them, and then make the promise to your kids that you won't take them for granted anymore...even if you think you don't.

The BELLY LAUGH!

Are you feeling depressed? Feeling a little down? Need a 'pick me up'? Take a look at this. You won't be sorry. If you don't crack a smile while watching this then you need professional help! ALL of my children have had laughed like crazy when you tickle their thighs....and at 6 and half months Zayne is no exception. Scroll down...pause the music...scroll back up and click play...ENJOY!!!!!
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