New found perspective....or rather reminded of an old one...

We've been busy lately. Hopefully I'll figure out how to make this page look better one of these days. Until then....

I mentioned in a previous post that we are expecting our 3rd child. I am now 30 weeks along. A mere 5 weeks ago we weren't sure if I would even make it this far. At 25 weeks I went to the dr with bad back pain and was sent straight to the hospital for a 2 night 3 day stay courtesy my doctor complete with amenities such as an IV of magnesium sulfate to stop contractions, 2 shots of steriods in the rear for lung develpment of the baby and even a bed pan because I was unable to get out of the bed for ANYTHING...oh and the food was to die for. I was officially stamped with PRE TERM LABOR. I begged and pleaded (literally) with my doctor to let me go home. In hindsight I KNOW it was what was best for the baby but I HATED every minute of it. Now I am on bedrest though I do ALOT more than I am supposed to be doing. Things have been going good for the most part. I never thought that bedrest would be as hard emotionally as it is. I was having some pretty rough issues being TOLD I couldn't do certain things. Those issues were something I felt VERY guilty about but I couldn't shake them. I talked to my doctor about them and she assured me that it was something that EVERY woman on bedrest deals with and it was perfectly normal. Not long after that I was reminded what a blessing it was to be able to carry a child. I had serious issues conceiving my second child, Alana. The road to concieving her was so hard complete with several losses and ALOT of anger. It seemed that I had forgotten that. I was so busy being down on myself because my life had been interrupted by this bedrest that I had forgotten what a glorious gift I had been given. Out of left field I was reminded in one day of the pain we went through to conceive our second child and of the pain we went through during the time of our losses. How selfish was I being! At one time in my life I would have done ANYTHING with NO complaints to keep our precious little baby safe. It was like a slap in the face. All the pain and heartache from the three years trying to concieve our little girl rushed back to me and I felt completely defeated. Defeated because I KNEW what it felt like to try and try only to love and lose but here I was complaining because of bedrest to KEEP my baby safe. I have since tried to have a better attitude and remind myself of the chance to carry God's gift again. I still have difficult days and I imagine those will continue but they don't and won't compare to the pain of those three years. I have 8-10 weeks left unless baby tries to share its secret with us early again and during those weeks I am going to do my BEST to keep my new found perspective!