Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Who likes to save money?!?!

A dear friend of mine has been telling me for weeks to try to lower some of our 'non-necessity' bills. Like our Satellite provider and Internet provider. I kept telling her I didn't think it would work because we were right in the middle of a two year contract with our satellite provider. Well yesterday I caved. I called them and guess what?!?! I SAVED MONEY! It was so simple and I posted it on my facebook page. I shared how I did it with a few people and guess what?!?! THEY SAVED TOO!

So here I am...I'm not going to guarantee this will work for you but its worth a shot. Between the two bills I saved my family $55 a month. What do you do? Call your provider and when the recording that asks you why you are calling comes on just say "cancel service". That should take you to a really nice person asking what they can do to help you. Tell them that you are looking at a few ways to save on your monthly bills and that this bill (whatever it may be) is one you can do without if you need to. At this point they will probably review your account and tell you what they can do for you. If they don't then you can always tell them you want to look over your choices and you will let them know what you want to do. Most likely they will offer you some sort of savings but if they don't then you should decide if you can afford to keep the service. I know there are cancellation fees but most of the time it will cost you more in the long run to keep the service. There is alot of competition out there folks...don't settle for the most expensive service. Now I'm not telling you to lie to these people. Don't do that. Just be honest with them and they will be more willing to help you out...lying never gets you anywhere and if by chance it does then it will bite you in the rear in the end.

Bottom Line....companies don't want to lose customers because we pay their bills. Most of the time they will do whatever it takes to keep you as a customer.

Now here is the catch....ok not really a catch but still...I would love to know if you do this and what happens. Just out of curiosity. If you've done it in the past let me know that too. Its almost Christmas, and our house needs every penny we can get! HAPPY BILL REDUCING!

Friday, October 8, 2010

There's a first time for everything!

WHOO HOO! My very first blog award! Many thanks to Julie over at The Reason For My Insanity! Check her out on her journey of raising 3 little gentlemen in training!

So here are the directions of the award...

All you have to do for the Cherry on Top award is:

1. Answer the question "If I had the chance to go back and change one thing in my life, would I, and what would it be?
2. Pick up to 6 people and give them this award.
3. Thank the person who gave the award.

If I had the chance to go back and change one thing in my life I would definitely do it. I mean, yeah, I get that 'where we have been makes us who we are' but I think there are things we can do better that would make us better people. In highschool I did what almost every teenager does and pulled away from family. I didn't like being at home and so I went eveywhere I could. I worked more than any teen should in highschool and when I wasn't at work I found other places to be. Now don't get me wrong...I wasn't BAD. I can count on one hand the number of 'teenage' mistakes I made, but I really wish I would have spent more time with my parents. After highschool I stayed away from home as much as I could and my relationship with my mom suffered. Our relationship didn't really begin to heal until after I had children of my own. So there it is...thats just one of the things I wish I had done differently but thankfully it has all worked itself out.

Now on to the important part...


1) Nobel Nuggets

2) Two Shnauzers and Some Hope

3) Living The Dream

4) Teagan Tales

5) Taylor Tales

6) My Marriage Expieriment


Friday, September 24, 2010

A letter to my daughter on her 3rd birthday

Dear Sweet Alana,

You are three. Three years ago you came CRASHING into our world. Things didn't go as planned. My body wanted you out long before you were ready but dear girl when it was time you sure didn't wait on anybody. After weeks of on again off again labor you decided to make a grand entrance and didn't leave mommy any time for pain medicine and you barely let me get to the hospital. You absolutely refused to wait on a dr. and didn't even need me to push you out. Sweet girl that has been you for the last three years. You are so independent. You are the sweetest, smartest, most independent little girl I have ever met. We tried hard for you and one day when you're old enough I'll tell you of all the heartache we had trying to get you. When you were born I was in awe. You are three years old but sometimes when I look at you I see my sweet newborn little baby girl. I know you better than I know myself somedays. I know what your tears mean and I know what you're saying even when no one else does. Daddy often jokes that you and I speak 'alana' and I have to translate sometimes. He's funny. I know how tiny your little fingers and toes still are and I know how you like to have your back rubbed. I know how your eyes sparkle when you laugh and when I hear that laugh I can see the sparkle even when I'm not in the same room with you. It makes me want to run to you just so I can soak up every minute of your childhood. I know how your hair lays just so on your head and how your long eyelashes flutter when you're falling asleep.

There have been so many things that you have done that I want to remember. One in particular that stands WAY above anything else is our bedtime routine. Baby girl, one day you will be a teenager and I pray that we are close and that you never shut me out but I also know that it will probably happen and I want us both to look back and remember what is now a nightly routine for us. Something that only we share. Something so simple and something that you probably won't understand until you have children of your own. Bedtime. Once daddy finishes saying prayers with you and your brothers you go climb into your bed where daddy tucks you in and gives you a kiss. After he leaves the room I give you kiss and fix your blankets. Sometimes I crawl into bed with you and you just giggle but no matter how long I stay there just holding you, you never drift off to sleep. You're waiting. Waiting for our routine. You see, every night since you were born I have done a double take before leaving your room. I longed for you so much that I couldn't, and still can't, believe you are mine. I guess somewhere along the way you began to notice that after your bedtime kiss, I would walk to the door and turn back just to look at you. Somewhere along the way you started sitting up and puckering up those tiny little lips for just one more kiss. Somewhere along the way {before you were born} you had me wrapped around your finger so I've never been able to walk away from a kiss. So EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT this is what we do. No matter what is going on. You can be dead asleep coming home from somewhere and I can carry you into your room, change your clothes without you waking up, and put you to bed with a kiss and turn to walk out but when I look back at what I thought was a sleeping beauty, you are, with your eyes still closed, sitting up with those little lips ready for one more kiss. You never ask for more and you only do it at night. It is something that we have shared for over a year now and it something I never want to let go. I know it something so small but I promise you, it will break my heart the night that you don't need or want that 'one more kiss' anymore.

Three years have passed baby girl and I love you and your brothers more than you can imagine. You are our little princess. You have a fascination with all things miniature. It is so precious. You love to play with little tiny things. I guess because you are so little yourself. You only weigh about 27lbs and you still wear size 2T clothes. I have never had your hair cut and don't have any plans to do so anytime soon. Its only hair...and it would grow back, but those little curls at the end of your hair is still baby hair and I just can't cut them off. You are full of drama. You do everything your brother does and even things he won' eat salad. Yes. You would rather have salad than pizza and you choose broccoli over fries. You give the tightest hugs ever and you treat your little brother so sweet MOST of the time. Things you say can crack mommy and daddy up sometimes and we love to hear you talk. I'm sure I'll eat those words one day. You are super dainty and love to be girly. Mommy isn't so great at all the girly stuff but I'll get better. I promise. For now we'll lean on our friend Lana Bosworth to teach us both.

Sweet sweet child, you deserve so much that I can't give you. But one thing that I promise that I'll do for you is teach you the love of Jesus and dear girl that is the most important thing you'll ever need to know. My desire is for you to one day be a woman who serves the Lord in all you do. You are only 3 but Alana I pray for your future. I pray for the man you will one day marry and the life that you will share with him. I pray you will never lose your way but sweet girl if you ever do I pray that you know that I will be here ready and willing to listen. Sweet girl your kisses brighten every inch of me and sometimes I want to hold you and keep you from all the wrong in the world but I know I can't, if I did then you would also miss out on many joys.

I feel so much joy and love when you wrap your tiny little arms around my neck and the surprise kisses you sometimes give me make me smile even on the worst days. Sweet baby girl you have taught me so much and I love you so much more.

Please don't grow up too fast.
I love you sweet girl.


Happy Birthday Sweet Alana and never forget...I'll always do a double take and hope you'll always want just one more kiss from mommy.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Just call me a slacker....

Ok Ok OK. I had the best intentions with the 30 day challenge. I have failed miserably. I WILL do it. I just need to get through the next week or so. Things are SOOOO busy at my house right now. We have 3 birthdays and one anniversary all within 7 days of each other...ok one of those birthdays isn't IN my house but still someone very close to us. Add that to my son's baseball schedule and my sisters {who is 12 years younger than me} marching band schedule, along with church activities and I promise you that at the end of the day there just isn't very much time left for things that I want to do. So...I really want to 'blog' to my daughter who turned 3 yesterday and to my husband in honor of our anniversary. Once I get those accomplished I really do plan to do my 30 day challenge. Until then...just call me a slacker. :-)

Thursday, September 16, 2010

My new 30 day Challenge! maybe I'm a little late. Nonetheless I'm going to try it. I saw a post by a fellow blogger about this so I'm GOING TO DO IT! I challenge any of you who are reading this and have your own blog to do it as well. How about leaving me a comment here and letting me know that your going to give it whirl so that I can be sure to follow it. For the next 30 days [gulp] I will TRY to keep up with this challenge!

So here is the challenge for the next 30 days:
Day 1 — A favorite song
Day 2 — A favorite movie
Day 3 — A favorite book
Day 4 — A favorite television program
Day 5 — A favorite quote
Day 6 — A moment you wish you could relive
Day 7 — 5 things you could not possibly live without
Day 8 — A thank you letter to someone who's changed your life
Day 9 — A photo you took
Day 10 — A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 — A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 — A song that you want played at your wedding (or was played)
Day 13 — A guilty pleasure
Day 14 — A vacation you would like to take
Day 15 — A person you admire
Day 16 — A song that makes you cry
Day 17 — An art piece
Day 18 — A time when you felt passionate and alive
Day 19 — A talent of yours
Day 20 — A hobby of yours
Day 21 — Something you know you do differently than most people
Day 22 — A website
Day 23 — A way in which you want to be remembered
Day 24 — A movie no one would expect you to love
Day 25 — A recipe
Day 26 — A childhood memory
Day 27 — A physical feature you love
Day 28 — A scar you have, and its story or if no scars- a tattoo & story
Day 29 — Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 — A motto or philosophy

There you have it! Do you have what it takes to take on this challenge? Yeah me either, but I'm going to at least try! Maybe it will get me out of my blogging rut!

Saturday, September 11, 2010

As a mother looking back...

Today marks 9 years since that dreadful day. I was 17. Just a teenager. I remember all too well how I felt when I found what was going on. I was scared, angry, confused, shocked, sad...the wide range of emotions I felt was overwhelming. I was driving from my highschool that morning to my second period teacher cadet class at a nearby elementary school. I heard the news on the radio. To be honest I thought it was something from the past. No way would anyone dare to attack the US. No way was this going on right now. I soon realized that it was indeed happening right at that moment. The rest of the day was spent clinging to friends and watching the TV coverage in awe.

As I look back on that day now as a mother I feel even more emotion. There were babies in that building. There were mothers in that building. There were children who went to bed that night without parents and parents who went to bed without their children. As a mother looking back it hurts me to the core to imagine that. There were parents who escaped the initial attack but who felt a duty to help in the rescue efforts and gave their life that day. Their kids went to bed that night without a mommy or daddy and I'm sure in that moment it didn't matter that the rest of the country was calling their mom or dad a hero. As a mother looking back I can't imagine being one of those mothers who dropped my precious baby off at daycare and walked across the street to my job only to look out of the window an hour later to the horror of the building collapsing with my child still inside. As a mother looking back I can't imagine being a mother that day.

May we never forget. May we never forget that for a time we were all united. May we never forget that for a time there was no Jew, Muslim, Christian, black, white, mexican. May we never forget that for a time everyone pulled together. May we always remember that for a time we all supported each other and hurt for each other.

Never Forget, Always Remember

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Your First Birthday Is Near

Dear Zayne
My precious baby boy, you are turning one. You will be ONE. My last baby, you are going to be ONE. After what has been a very short year we are planning your first birthday.

Just two short weeks before you were born

It feels like just a few short weeks ago that I went to the doctor for what I thought was just a little back pain and was instead told to go straight to the hospital because at 25 weeks pregnant I was in preterm labor. After a weekend stay at the hospital and drugs to stop labor for me and steriods for you I was released only to come home to 14 weeks of bedrest...which I wasn't very good with by the way.

Then we met you. Our smallest little addition. You made us a party of five. I nice big round number. FIVE. You were perfect. You ARE perfect. My dear boy the last year has gone by way to fast. You are growing way to quickly. You are walking more and more everyday. Your little personality is really starting shine. Your smile brightens up the darkest of rooms. I am not the only person who says "That little boy can't help but smile". You are so happy, so healthy, so precious. You are mine. You have brought so much joy to our home the last year. I miss my tiny newborn but I love seeing you grow and learn. I've recently gone through all your clothes, newborn to 9 months and I have to admit, it made me cry some. I look back and remember how quickly you have grown. Our family didn't skip a beat when we brought you home. Your brother and sister accepted you from day one. Mommy and Daddy have some how figured out how to make this little family run. I am so proud to be your mommy. Even though I'm sad about how fast the last year has gone I am so excited to watch you become a toddler. I'm excited to teach you new things and excited to watch you play with your brother and sister. I'm excited to see you and your daddy play in the floor and I'm looking forward to the first time you say I love you mommy and wrap your little arms around my neck. There are so many things you will learn my precious baby boy. I pray that your heartaches are few and far between and I want you to know that now as a toddler and years from now as an adult that I will always be here for you. My prayer for you is that you will become a man who trusts God with everything and that you will not only have a burden for the lost, but my Dear Son, I pray that you will have the courage to reach out to them. Zayne I love you so much. It is amazing to me how I can love each of you with everything I have and all the same. I pray that you will feel our love everyday, no, every moment of your life. I pray that one day you will look back on your childhood and KNOW that you were loved. My precious little baby, in a few short weeks we will light one single candle and celebrate your first birthday. Today I am thinking of where I was one short year ago before you were born. I am reminded of how scared I was that I wouldn't be able to juggle life with 3 kids. But you have been easy and happy and haven't fussed very much at all along the way. Many days we got tangled up in the daily chaos of our family but dear boy I want you to know that I didn't miss anything. I noticed and praised all of your achievements and I've tried to keep note of when you reached new milestones. I caught them all and always will. You cry seldom, you smile often and you laugh more. You have completed our family and our lives are full.

Zayne I love you beyond words and completely. I always have and I forever will.

Love Mommy

A Few Hours Old

First time meeting your big brother and sister













Friday, July 16, 2010

Tell Me I'm Not ALONE!!!!!

I feel crazy. I feel like I have no idea what I want. I feel like I have no idea what I feel like. See. I told you I'm crazy. We have 3 precious children and I couldn't ask for anything more than we have. When we had Zayne we threw around the idea of having a fourth child and at one point decided that it was fine with us if thats what God has planned for us. So we were at a point of 'if it happens it happens' kinda thing. Then we talked about it more and decided that we both felt complete. And that is where we have been for the last 5 months or so. Zayne has been our easiest child. There was never any reason for us to slam down our fists and say "THATS IT! WE'RE DONE! WE CAN'T HANDLE ANOTHER CHILD". To be honest our 3 kids are probably easier than some singleton children with Zayne being the easiest. My pregnancy with him was REALLY hard and I have no desire to go through that again BUT there is no guarantee that would happen. The reason we decided to be 'done' is mainly because we {or rather I} are ready to be able to move out of the baby stage. We are ready to be able to do more things without having a baby in tow. Tell me that makes sense to some of you. I'm ready to be able to go places without a diaper bag and go to the beach without a baby, go to Disney world and let ALL my kids enjoy the rides, go camping, go places without wondering whether or not I'm going to be able to put my child down, go somewhere that I don't have to worry about what I'm going to do with the baby because he 'might put something in his mouth'. Am I making sense? I LOVE my baby and I DON'T DON'T DON'T want to rush him out of the baby stage but at the same time I don't think I want go down that road for a 4th time. AND THEN......I have these little twinges....sometimes those twinges feel more like a punch in the gut...that say 'YOU WANT ANOTHER BABY'. How can I be 110 percent DONE one minute then feel like I want another one the next?!?!?! We are happy as a family of 5 so why do I feel like this! I want to grow up as a family but here and there are the little things that make me soooo long for another baby. My 9 month old is getting WAY TOO BIG WAY TOO FAST so that may be part of the problem. I really can't see us having another one but then that makes me a little sad. SEE?!?!?! See how I go back and forth?!?!?! Please someone tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way! I guess the best way to put it is that we are finished having babies {unless of course we are surprised} but I am sad about it. Tell me I'm not alone!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

I can't believe how big you have gotten!!!!!

9 Months. Are you sure? I'm in denial. In 3 short months my baby boy will be ONE and my sweet little girl will be THREE! No way. It isn't possible. But since everyone keeps reminding me about it I guess I will accept it and put a few things here I don't want to forget.

You are still ALL smiles ALL the time [well most of the time anyway].

You weigh in at a healthy 18 pounds.

You wanted NOTHING to do with baby food AT all so we have moved on to table food. You LOVE LOVE LOVE sweet potatoes and all things FRUIT. I don't have to mess with mashing anything up, you 'gum' it just fine.

You have TWO little teeth now. On the bottom, side by side. You have only bit me a few times while nursing and I think you have pretty much learned your lesson about that.

You still get up at night. There have been a few nights you didn't get up at all but for the most part you get up at least once and on occasion you get up more. I don't mind unless it is EVERY HOUR [which is seldom].

You speed crawl everywhere you go [and go you do].

Once you get to your destination you pull yourself up and cruise around. I have found you standing without holding on to anything several times. It is getting more and more often and for longer periods but you haven't taken any steps yet. I want you to walk but I have to admit...I am sad that it is happening so soon.

I love going into your room in the mornings. You don't cry when you wake up but instead you talk and play until I come get you unless of course I take to long and then you get rather mouthy. Once I get into your room you look up at me with a great big smile that makes me melt.

You have started to show some signs of being bashful especially around women. When they look at and talk to you, you smile a huge smile and bury your face in my shoulder or look down. I'm sure this phase won't last long as your brother and sister know NO strangers.

When Jordan is in the room you watch his every move. You love for Jordan and Alana to play with you and you already don't like it when someone takes a toy from you. I have a feeling I'm in for a few power struggles among the three of you BUT I also thing you three will be inseparable!

You LOVE the swimming pool. You will float around for as long as we stay in the pool. I just have to keep an eye on you because you like to lick the water and sometimes dip your nose in it too. You aren't a fish silly little boy.

I can still say that you have been the easiest baby!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

The miracle of LIFE! There is nothing more precious than a sweet baby being born! A dear friend of mine allowed me the opportunity to be present once again when her sweet baby boy was born last night! I have witnessed 3 births not including my own and it NEVER gets old! I am so grateful that I was able to be there! Her sweet babe was born last night just after 9pm and she did it with no meds...for the 6th time. If you ask me she's nuts but I admire that! I can say I did it with no meds for 1 out of THREE. It was the middle child and I didn't CHOOSE that but rather had no choice and would NEVER do it again if given the option. My friend was so strong and she did an awesome job...I was sooo proud! She has witnessed one of my births also and IF [and thats a HUGE if] we have any more children I hope she'll be there...after all she's an expert! If you have children then you KNOW what its like to be in labor and to be honest there are only a very small handful of people that I would EVER allow see me in that manner. To be one of those people for her makes me feel very honored. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful friend!!!! I now have 4 of her 6 children in my home while she is in the hospital and her dear mother in law takes a much needed break...add that to my 3 and we have a houseful but I see it as a privilege to help such an awesome friend in such a special time! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR JASON CHARLES POOLE AND CONGRATULATIONS TO YOUR MOMMY AND DADDY!!!

Friday, April 30, 2010

Time is RACING BY!

So its been awhile. Zayne is SEVEN MONTHS OLD. Wow. The child is CRAWLING and he is PULLING UP. I wasn't quite ready for all this so soon. Alana was a very lazy little baby. She wasn't BEHIND but she sure did take her sweet time on getting to new milestones. Zayne is rushing things in my opinion. I miss my sweet newborn baby! Things are very bittersweet this time around. Milestones are always bittersweet for mommas because you're happy they are learning new things but unhappy they are growing up. This time is different. Zayne is more than likely (seriously) our last child so all these new things are also the 'last times' for me. It's hard to swallow that. So here are a few new things and last times I want to remember:

He is crawling EVERYWHERE. Pour thing follows me around all the time and by the time he gets to me I'm going somewhere else. Sometimes I wonder what he's thinking.

He is drooling on EVERYTHING. I feel NO teeth which is fine by me and my...well his food supply :)

He is still nursing and I have no plans of stopping anytime soon. I plan to let him self long as he's done NO LATER THAN 2 lol. Ideally I'd like to be done by 18 months and I hope he feels the same.

A few days before he turned 7 months he started pulling up on a few things. It wasn't alot but I would walk into a room and find him standing up holding onto something. Now it is a daily thing when I walk in his room and find him standing at the rail of his crib and when I put him down he finds something to pull up on most of the time.

He smiles and laughs ALL THE TIME. This child is ALWAYS happy...unless he's hungry.

He likes people. I don't leave him often. Really the only place he stays without me is the nursery at church which is normally at least twice week and we have ZERO problems. No matter who is in there they tell me he was so sweet and they had no issues.

He likes food but I don't push it. He eats solids once a day and isn't a fan of store bought baby food AT ALL. He is a messy eater and still kind of pushes food out of his mouth...not sure whats up with that but he'll it get down soon I'm sure.

He is in 6-9 clothing and can wear some 12 month stuff depending on what it is.

He enjoys being outside...the change of scenery is much welcome I'm sure.

He is sleeping pretty good. Some nights are better than others but for the most part he gets up twice a night. He takes a 2-3 hour nap around noon and then cat naps during the afternoon and evening. He goes to bed around 9 and sleeps till about 7...normally getting up to eat around 12 and 4.

He is a CHAMPION SPLASHER. Seriously. You need to be wearing a towel around you when you give him a bath or else your clothes will be soaked through and through.

Alana and Jordan fight over him sometimes. They both really like playing with him and Alana doesn't understand why she can't pick him and carry him around like her brother does. Zayne LOVES watching them play. I really enjoy seeing the bonds that being made.

He has the BEST laugh and he gets this little smirky kind of laugh right after he eats. It just cracks me up.

Man I love this kid. I love all of my children. The love of a mother is just unimaginable unless you are one. I'm going to miss all of this but I sooo look forward to things to come.

Thursday, April 15, 2010


Tonight I hurt. I am in pain...a pain you would not believe...unless you are a mother. BUT the pain I feel is absolutely NOTHING compared to what some mothers feel tonight, what they've felt, what more will feel, and what I can only BEG to NEVER EVER EVER fully understand. There is a sweet child by the name of Anna who just a mere 5 days ago was a normal 10 year old. 4 days ago she was put on a vent...tonight she is on a ECMO machine fighting for her life. 5 days ago she was diagnosed with a rare cancer. I can not fathom the pain this family is going through. I do not know them personally but Anna attends school where my son does. I had such a heavy heart since learning about all this. I always knew this stuff went on. I've always cried while watching the marathons on TV or listening to them on the radio. For some reason this has REALLY opened my eyes. I've done more reading of other children and other mothers and fathers and brothers and sisters and whole families who have had to say goodbye to their young children. Do I understand it? No. A HUGE RESOUNDING NO. Do I have faith that God has a plan? Yes. Does it still hurt? OH YEAH. I have hugged and kissed and said I love you to my children more in the last week than I usually do in an entire month. Every time they pass by me or look at me I am taking the opportunity to show them my love for them. I have prayed for them and prayed over them and touched them and watch them sleep. I am absolutely broken for these families. Broken to the point where all I can do is cry and pray. This has made me a better mother. I WILL be a better mother to my children. I'm not a bad mom to begin with but I have SOOO much room for improvement. My kids deserve better so thats what I will give them. I NEVER want to say I wish we had done this or I WISH I would have been able to do that. No more putting things off because I don't want to do it right then. Seriously?!?! How many mothers only WISH they could be 'bothered' by their child. My eyes have certainly been opened ALOT wider in the past week. I take so much for granted. No more. Go hug your kids, think about the mommas who can't, pray for them, and then make the promise to your kids that you won't take them for granted anymore...even if you think you don't.

Monday, April 12, 2010


Are you feeling depressed? Feeling a little down? Need a 'pick me up'? Take a look at this. You won't be sorry. If you don't crack a smile while watching this then you need professional help! ALL of my children have had laughed like crazy when you tickle their thighs....and at 6 and half months Zayne is no exception. Scroll down...pause the music...scroll back up and click play...ENJOY!!!!!
and more......

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Jumparoo FUN!

Zayne LOVES his jumparoo! He loves to listen to music and jump around. For me...this is a MUST HAVE! I don't know what we did without it with Jordan and Alana!!!

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Half a Year is gone already?????

Zayne will be 6 months old tomorrow. Wow. Thats a little hard to swallow. Its amazing to me how fast the time has gone this time. I feel like as soon as a catch up to and grab ahold of a moment it's time to start chasing the next one because they are racing by!!! Zayne is doing SO MUCH. The gamut of emotions that overwhelm me when I think about all he is doing is CRAZY! Here are some things I want to remember....

~At his last appt about a month ago he weighed 14lbs 13oz.

~His eyes are still BLUE :)

~He started rolling over ALL THE TIME before 5 months old and has been going all over the place since then.

~He 'halfway' crawls forward and can crawl backwards with the best of them.

~He started sitting up at 5 months and is getting to be a champ at it now.

~He LOVES his jumperoo. He goes CRAZY in it.

~He HATES when whatever he is chewing on gets taken away from him...serious attitude for SURE. Daddy says that comes from mommy...I disagree.

~He LOVES his mommy milk. So much so that he isn't very interested in anything else. He has had a total of about 8-10 bottles of expressed milk since he was born and doesn't really care for the bottles very much. We tried giving him rice cereal a few times but it didn't go over well so I stopped giving it to him and just went straight to food. He has had squash a few times up to this point. We'll try something new next week but it will only be a few times a week for awhile.

~His sleep pattern is TERRIBLE right now. He doesn't sleep alot AT ALL. He mostly sleeps in the bed with us because it is easier to feed him that way. I really need to stop that and SOON. VERY VERY SOON. Like a few months ago soon.

~He CONSTANTLY chews on his fingers but I feel no teeth. He never took a paci much to my dismay.

~He is still wearing size 2 diapers but we are on our last box of those and we'll be heading on up.

~He can wear 3-6 month clothes but we're close to moving on up in that area too.

~He is a VERY happy baby. He smiles and laughs ALL THE TIME.

~He will go to other people with ease. No problem getting him to stay in the nursery at church or letting other people hold him.

~He LOVES kisses and tight hugs...which is a VERY good thing otherwise he would be crying all day because he gets A TON of those between mommy and big sister.

~Jordan and Alana have adjusted very well to having him around and I LOVE seeing the bond they are creating.

I said in the beginning and I'll say it again...Zayne has been my easiest baby. He is so laid back. If his sleeping was a little better then things would be too perfect. I LOVE my 3 children and could not even begin to imagine life without them. I was scared to death of having 3 but God has shown me in the last 6 months that this is where I'm supposed to be and what I'm supposed to be doing. I have been blessed beyond measure! We're still kind of up in the air about having a fourth child. As soon as I feel like we are done I get this little nagging feeling that maybe we should have JUST ONE MORE. Then somebody starts crying and I remember why I think I'm done :) I feel content with 3 but if for some reason God sees fit to bless us with one more then I'll be content with that too...I just hope it isn't too soon if He does!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Dear Zayne,

Sunday March 14th 2010 was very special. That was the day that mommy and daddy made a commitment to God that we will do everything in our power to raise you according to His word and His way. We made this commitment with your brother and sister when they were babies too. We promise that we will raise you in a Godly way and teach you about how God sent his son Jesus to die on a cross for our sins and how God then raised Him from the dead so that we may live an eternal life in Heaven IF we repent and strive to live for Jesus. We will teach you how to pray. We will pray with you. We will pray for you. We will do our best to be GOOD living examples for you to follow. We will teach you right from wrong. We teach you about a love that is second to none and teach you how you can turn Jesus in every area of your life. Along with these things I promise:

you can jump in the rain puddles...sometimes I'll jump too.

I will try not to rush you when you want to show your independence.

We will use glitter, glue, paint and all things messy on occasion.

You can play in the dirt and dig for bugs and I'll TRY not to freak out when you try to taste the mud.

to NOT let you stay in your room by yourself on the phone or computer.

to give you space BUT I promise that I WILL be in your business because I love you.

to not to say "Go play" all the time but to say "Let's play" more often.

to let you help me cook and clean :)

to listen to you even when I already know what you are going to say.

to watch your eyes sparkle when you are excited.

to let you make bad choices and help you fix those bad choices.

to think twice about saying no unless it is harmful, unhealthy, or most importantly not biblical.

to tell you when you are about to make a mess but to let you make it and then to make you clean it up so you can learn about consequences.

you can play in the bathtub until your fingers and toes are all wrinkled and the water is cold if you want.

I will take the time to look at the pretty flowers or that cool 'digger' with you.

We will stop at the train tracks until the train is gone so you can watch it.

We will laugh, hug, play, and sing together.

We will take the time to look at the clouds and decide together what they look like.

We will talk about how beautiful the sky is and who made that sky.

We will sit on the floor and play with your can show me how you want me to do it.

I will let you teach me things and remember that what you teach me is just as important as some of the things I teach you.

I will watch you sleep at night and cherish those moments and burn them into my memory so that I'll never forget how wonderfully made you are.

We will focus on today and try not to worry so much about tomorrow but we will also do our best to be prepared for the future.

I promise that we will let you down and I promise that you will let us down too. But in those times we will forgive each other and move past those things because you are our son and we are your parents and the only love greater than that will come from the father above.

There are many more promises I want to make to you but you need me right now so I'll stop for now.


Tuesday, February 9, 2010

A Decision Not Made Lightly

We're going to homeschool. This was a HARD decision for me. I've struggled with it for at least 2 years. At first I would NEVER have done it. A friend tried HARD to get me to commit to it but I wouldn't. I had (and still have) SOOOOO many reasons why I didn't want to.

The biggest reason is that I have ZERO patience. You would think that with 3 kids that my bucket of patience would be overflowing but really...I have none. Especially when it comes to school type work. I had these vivid flashes of yelling and screaming at my child if he didn't do his work the right way or in a timely manner.

Reason number 2: I don't want my kids to miss out. There are things like sports, band, clubs, and FRIENDS that schools offer that I didn't want my kids to be deprived of. I was afraid that they would regret missing those things.

Another Reason was that I REALLY like my free time. The idea of having my kids with me ALL THE TIME just wasn't very enticing to me. I LOVE my kids but sometimes I need a break. Don't you?

I'm not very organized either. How on this earth am I going to homeschool if I can't even keep everyday stuff organized? Yeah we'll see.

I felt like I was committing to a lifetime of homeschooling. I wasn't looking at it as just one year at a time. I was trying to tackle the next 18 years of my childrens lives. That my friends is a big bolder to shoulder.

What happened next? Well I spent many nights talking myself out of it. Telling God why I couldn't do it. I suggest that if you don't want to do something then don't tell God WHY you CAN'T because he WILL show you that you CAN.

I now have more patience with my children.

I have been coming across a TON of activities my kids can do that don't involve the school system and quite honestly seem to be better and look like more fun than the things they do. Including lots of 'field trips' we can take and optimist ball and homeschool sports groups and so on. As far as friends go...We spend alot of time at church and there are plenty of kids there. Not to mention optimist ball.

I joined a gym. This gym has child watch. Free time for me :).

My organization skills have improved a teeny tiny bit. But I'm working on it and I have every reason to believe that by August I'll have improved a good bit and if I haven't IT WILL BE OK.

I stopped looking at the next 18 years and started focusing on the PRESENT. Not even one year at a time. One MOMENT at a time. Homeschooling is going to be difficult for me and I'll have to take things as they come.

You see...I had and still have reservations. But those reservations aren't too big for God to tackle. I had and still have many reasons why I don't want to do it but those reasons aren't good enough. I TRIED to leave God out of it and just send my child to school. Public school isn't THAT bad...after I all...I made it. My child will get Jesus at church and at home I said. I had built up this wall. Lord you can have me but not that part. Leave that part alone because I'm telling you I CAN'T do it and I don't WANT to do it. But He wouldn't leave me alone. It seemed like EVERY. SINGLE. sermon at church had to do with me and homeschooling. Every lesson in sunday school was about me and homeschooling. Every devotion I did was about me and homeschooling. Do you think He was sending me a message? God...really? You REALLY want me to do this? I know You don't mean for me to actually DO THIS. You? Are you sure?

So I started looking into it. I had looked into briefly before but wasn't impressed. This time I looked harder and what do you know. I actually found something that I LIKED and got excited about! I can't wait to start it actually. Now I KNOW that this excitement may be short lived but even thats a far cry from where I was 2 years ago. My husband had left the decision up to me. At first he didn't want me to anymore than I wanted to but now he wants me to do it. He isn't making me do it but he is behind me all the way. We have agreed that this is our only option for now.

I'm not going to lie and say I know this is going to be great. I KNOW we will have bad days and I KNOW I will have days when I doubt my ability and patience. I already have those days and we haven't even started yet. But when I look at the alternative it scares me. I mean really. Do you have any idea who your childs teacher is? Or what they are teaching your child? Or what is going on in your childs life for 7 hours everyday? Yeah you know the teachers name and you know what subjects they are learning and you know they are at school. Think about how vague that is. And to be quite honest...Jordan hasn't learned very much from school this year. I know its just kindergarten but what he HAS learned has been from home mostly.

I don't know where the future will lead us. There are alot of misconceptions about homeschooling. So many people have no idea what it can really be like. They imagine this kid who isn't allowed out of the house and who is socially deprived. Homeschooling has many different options. I'm hoping there will be an umbrella school around here in the next few years or maybe in a few years we'll have another option but for now we will homeschool....much to my dismay. It was definitely a decision not made lightly. I can rest easy now though. And I've learned to NEVER tell God I can't do something again.

Today's confession: I'm scared of homeschooling but I know God will help me through it. I still have my whiny 'buts' and I'm sure they won't go away. He brought me to it so He'll lead me through it.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Already?!?! I mean Seriously...

Wow. Just wow. So in the last week my little baby boy has gotten further and further away from little and baby. Boy he still is. Week number 18 has brought about a few changes. Zayne is now rolling from back to belly instead of just belly to back. He has had his first little bowl of cereal. And he is LOVING his exercauser. The little chunkster also knows when mommy is ready to feed him and he has this crazy little laugh/snicker when I get out the nursing pillow and we assume the position. He is very greedy and possessive when it comes to his...well his milk ;).

His first little bowl of cereal was a success. He would have eaten more but I just nursed him instead. We aren't big on the infant cereal around here. It really isn't necessary and I see it as more of a 'filler' than anything else so we stick with nursing with the occasional bit of cereal until about 6 months and then we start baby food. Alana wasn't a very big eater until well after her first birthday. I'm not sure how Zayne will react to food but mommy milk will be his main course with baby food as dessert until he's 1. It's good for them and it works for us.

I'm VERY surprised at his new skills this week. I wasn't expecting him to roll from his back to his belly so soon. He started it a few days ago. He isn't rolling all over the house..yet THANKFULLY. But he is rolling over quite a bit. I cleaned up the exercauser too this week. I put him in it expecting him to stay for a few minutes and be ready to get out. Instead he LOVED it and stayed in it for quite some time. He was turning around in the seat and trying to reach all the toys.

It kind of makes me sad. I want him to be just a baby for a little while longer. He has been so easy and enjoyable. They grow up entirely too fast. Lets just pause time for a bit....what do ya say?

This mornings confession: I've done NOTHING today. But since I've spent time cuddling with my babies I consider the morning a success.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010


So. I am a good mom. No wait. I am a FANTASTIC mom. Seriously. I am. Are there days that I want to duct tape my children to the wall? Oh yeah. Yesterday was one of those days. I really am a good mom though.

What makes a good mom? Here's what makes me one....

I gave up my body for 9 months times 3 and I have nursed for a total of 21 months now. All in the last 6 years. So for 48(4 years) of the last 72 months(6 years) my body has not been my own. And to be perfectly clear...I have been either pregnant or nursing for the last 39 months STRAIGHT. So when I say I'm tired, I MEAN IT. I can't wait to have my body back to myself but I have at LEAST another 8 months to share if not more. And just as a side note....there is NOTHING I can do to fix this body on my will take some EXTENSIVE plastic surgery especially above the waste.

There is NOTHING and I do mean NOTHING I wouldn't do for my children. You want to see someone go into survivor bear raving banshee mode? Mess with a momma's chap and see what happens. No scratch that. You better run because you won't want to stick around to see the ending.

I have the radar. I've had it for 6 years now. You know the one I'm talking about if you're a mother. Its the one that can hear EVERY. SINGLE. PEEP. all of your children make and can figure out which one it was and be by their side in 2 seconds flat. And that particular radar comes with the handy dandy feature of being able to sleep with one eye open and it gives you the ability to function on ZERO sleep and then wake up with a start when you DO get an hour of sleep.

I am committed to parenting...not committed to an institution BECAUSE of parenting. Somedays I might seem like I need to be. But I've made...this far anyway.

After cleaning poop out of carpet and throw up out of hair, crayon off walls and pen off couches. After saying 58472685 times to do this or stop that. After sleepless nights and napless days. After toys on every. single. inch. of my floors and laundry towering toward the heavens. I can say I love what I do.

And what makes me the terrific mom I am is this...I admit that the above is ok. I may not be screaming for joy about all of it every moment of every day...but I am okay with it. In fact, I wouldn't trade it for all of the free time, sleep, and stretch mark free skin in the world.

The awesome experience of love at first sight, the wonder of being able to experience the world through those beautiful bright eyes of my children, the joy of being able to put others before myself...there's nothing like it.

Todays Confession:

When I start to get tired, I remember that we'll only be here, in this moment, just once and some of our time and space has to be sacred and dedicated to the family.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Sticking with the new theme...

So yes its true. If you didn't already know...I am domestically challenged. I don't do alot of housework or laundry and I'm not very organized. I have the desire...I just don't have the energy. I 'pick up' but I don't CLEAN. If you've been to my house then you know this. "Cleaning house while kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing" This is SOOOO true. Even if I DID clean, it wouldn't stay that way long.

"Cleaning and scrubbing
can wait until tomorrow
For babies grow up,
we've learned to our sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs,
Dust go to sleep,
I'm rocking my baby
and babies don't keep"

Laundry is a little different. I DO actually DO laundry. However I am WAY behind from a long time ago. Seriously. WAY BEHIND. I keep up with our everyday clothes but if actually were to wash all the clothes that we have I would probably be able to cloth another family...or two.

I REALLY want to be organized. I would love to have a daily schedule for ME. Not something crazy for my kids to follow but something for ME to go by. I will be homeschooling starting in August and I NEED to have a schedule by then but its HARD. I have all these things I WANT to do but I'm too lazy to do them. My day today has consisted of this:

Potty Training
Potty Training
And of course the computer is thrown in there at various places throughout the day.

What was missing? Cleaning, Laundry, and ORGANIZATION. So my goal for the future is going to be laundry and organization. Not that I haven't had this goal before. But I REALLY have to get with it if homeschooling is going to work for us. I HAVE TO!

Todays Confession: I REALLY like being lazy and spending time with my kiddos.

The Name Game

So...I've been playing around with the blog and I decided to change the url. I came up with didyouflush when I started this blog because I was in a hurry and couldn't think of anything else...I had just asked my son if he had flushed the toilet and so thats what I put. Corny I know. The change was needed.

Teaka (Tee-kuh) is a nickname that a 2 year old has given. Not just any 2 year old but one that I love dearly. Alana's birthday buddy. Justin. He is a precious little boy and he USE to say kia just fine. One day he started calling me Teaka out of nowhere. He still calls me that. So I figured why not use it. Thus the name...Teaka's Truths. The url is now


Sunday, January 31, 2010

Feeling a little {off} as of late...

So I LOVE my church family and I am sad. I am sad because this will be the THIRD straight Sunday that I have not been at church. I have had a very sick baby and two sick 'big' kids and have been unable to go for two reasons. I needed to keep my little baby home so that he could get better without being put in the hospital and I needed to keep them all home so that we did not share our germs. My church family is wonderful and would normally be grateful for anything that was shared with them but I'm pretty sure they appreciate me not sharing this time.

I love my Sunday school class which is made up of ladies of all ages. We are currently doing a study about David called Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed by Priscilla Shirer, Beth Moore, and Kay Arthur. It has been a blessing to many in the class and I would definitely recommend it to any group of ladies looking for a good study. We have great fellowship, worship and praise, and learning in that class. It is nice to be able to do those things with such a great group of ladies and I can't WAIT to be back.

I enjoy our worship service which is growing every Sunday! Praise the Lord! Very soon it will be one year that we learned that our Pastor and his family of 11 years was leaving us to become missionaries to Buffalo NY. We grieved our loss but celebrated Buffalo's gain. Of course we were sad but why would we try to step in the way of the Lord's work. Buffalo needs Jesus and our Pastor answered that call. So after several months of having fill in pastor's and speakers we found the new old guy :). He was once a youth pastor/intern type thing I think at our church many years ago and had since moved out of state to pastor another church. We are grateful to have him back and we have already seen alot of changes and are excited to see what the New Year and New Pastor brings to our church! We serve a BIG God who does BIG things!

I love our Sunday School teachers and children's church teachers and nursery workers! I love the fact that I can trust that my kids are being taken care of while I worship! And it is wonderful when my 2 year old gets soooo excited to go see Mr. Wayne and Mrs. Carol (her Sunday school teachers). She knows when we start getting ready that its church time and she can't wait to leave! My son is starting to really learn alot about bible stories and that thrills me! Knowing that my kids are loved and are being taken care of is very comforting.

Wednesday we will be starting a new program (new to us anyway) called growth groups. They are small group studies and I am excited to see how it all works out! Come out and join us. We have a group for everyone! Feel free to check it out here

So....since I have been stuck at home for the last 3 weeks I was looking forward to going to church today and getting back in the groove of things. But now because of this snow, albeit beautiful and fun, I can not go. Even if I COULD get out our church has canceled services, understandably so. I can't wait until Wednesday when we start our groups and I can finally get back to church...barring any other sickness or bad weather but that better not happen. I always feel 'off' when I don't get to go to church...then again, some would argue I am always a little off....

Thursday, January 28, 2010

4 Months Old and holding on to my BLUE eyes.

So here we are. Our baby boy is 4 months old today. As of last week he was just over 14lbs. He is still wearing some 0-3 month clothes but I think its time for mommy to let go and move on up to 3-6. He is rolling over like a champ from his belly to his back and is pretty close to going from back to belly. He still has BEAUTIFUL blue eyes {see above} and mommy is super excited about that since daddy, big brother and big sister all have BIG brown eyes. Maybe I'll get my blue eyed baby or anything other than brown.

He loves sitting in his bumbo and playing with toys. He has really started to get good at holding toys and they usually go STRAIGHT to his mouth. His hands are always near his face if not in his mouth. He is such a happy boy MOST of the time. But I'm pretty sure he is starting to teeth because he LOVES his little rubber star that vibrates.

I'll be going to the store to invest in some happy pills pretty soon. They are these great all natural teething pills. We don't use gels on babies gums because they tend to harden the gums and while they DO numb the pain it just makes it harder for the teeth to break through. The teething tablets help with pain without the hardening side effect.

I'm so blessed to have such a wonderful little boy. He has been super sick with RSV as of late so he was pretty fussy for awhile but now that we are starting to get over it he has returned to his happy little self. I'm so excited to see him grow and in awe of his little personality and how he reacts with all of us. The last 4 months have definitely been great. I can't wait to see what the future holds! HOPEFULLY he'll hold on to his BLUE EYES!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Can You PLEASE just write it in the clouds?!?!?!

Change is hard. For me anyway. Why is it that whan change isn't your CHOICE that it seems to be easier. For some reason I have a bigger problem with change when I can CHOOSE to do it or not. If it is forced upon me then I have no choice but to except it but when I can choose whether or not to partake in the change that is going on then I find it hard to do. I don't like to disturb 'life as we know it' when there is nothing wrong with it. I don't consider myself to be a person who objects to change and I feel like I generally adapt well to change so I don't know why this particular situation is bothering me so much. I guess when it is a small aspect of my life it is easier to change but when it is a BIG aspect that could change ALOT of's just harder.

We are in the midst of a possible life changing situation right now that I can't elaborate on. I've been praying about it and praying about it and I guess I'm not exactly looking in the right place but I can't seem to figure out what God wants. Or maybe I'm looking too hard and its right in front of my face. It would just be nice to see it written in the clouds. I want sooo much to know what the best thing to do is. Hopefully I'll feel some peace about it soon!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Grrrr.....Trying to figure out this signature stuff. Maybe later.

Friday, January 22, 2010

New Year...New Blog...MAYBE....

If you are here and this place looks like a mismatched mess then I'm sorry. I want to overhaul the blog but I can't decide how. Since I am a stay at home mommy to 3 rambunctious kiddos I can't do it all at one time. Give me a day or two a week and we'll see what I can come up with.

16 week old with RSV + Snotty nosed toddler = VERY tired mommy

Here's what's going on in the Clark abode.

Jordan had a 5 day weekend from school...Why? I'm not entirely sure but I enjoyed it and didn't want him to go back to school yesterday [Thursday]. Matt has every Tuesday and Wednesday off so that REALLY cuts into time he gets to spend with Jordan since Jordan is out of school on Saturdays and Sundays while Matt is at work. So since Jordan was out of school...Daddy and Jordan spent ALOT of time together and Jordan absolutely LOVED IT. Daddy on the other hand was super tired by Thursday.

Zayne devoleped a slight runny nose and started being a little crabby on Monday night. By Tuesday morning I could tell he was getting sick so at lunchtime I made the executive decision to put in a call to his doctor. Appt was scheduled for 3pm. By 1pm he was running a pretty high fever and I pumped him full of Tylenol. By the time his nurse took his temp. at his appt it was down to 100.6. At the end of the doctors visit I had an explanation for the crazy runny nose and the cough that would only get worse in the days to come: RSV. Now if you've ever had a child with RSV then you know that isn't something you want to hear. Jordan had it very bad when he was a baby and it isn't something I wanted to through again but alas I had no choice. We spent the next 3 hours trying to round up a nebulizer and get his medicine worked out. By the time we got home mommy and baby were two tired people. We started the breathing treatments and settled in for what would prove to be a long night...or 3. It is now Friday and I haven't slept very much at all since Monday night. We went back to the doctor on Thursday because I didn't see any improvement. The doctor decided that it would be a good idea to treat Zayne with some antibiotics and oral that has been added to our medicine cabinet. "You should see a turn around by Saturday or Sunday" said the doctor. Actually by Thursday night Zayne seemed to be some better so hopefully today will begin the major turn around and I can get some sleep tonight.

All that sounds good but I think it may be wishful thinking because Alana devoleped a runny nose on Wednesday night. I'm sure she is getting sick. RSV is very contagious and MOST people/children get it. It just presents as a bad cold in adults and older children. It can be deadly for little babies like Zayne because they have a hard time fighting it off. So...I'm bracing myself for wave 2 of this virus. I just wish I had gotten it FIRST so that my body could have made antibodies and passed them on to Zayne through my milk.

Here's to hoping the rest of us stay well and Zayne will get better soon. I hate seeing him hurt. I would take it all on myself if I fact don't think for one minute that I haven't tried bargaining with God. If only it worked that way. If you are a mother you know what I mean. It is getting hard for me to function normally since I am running on empty when it comes to rest. But mommies were made for this kind of thing so I know I will make it...I just can't wait until its over.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Here is Zayne's new trick...He has gotten pretty good at it :). The video was taken with an old digital camera becaue I couldn't find my newer one therefore it has no sound but who cares...its still cute :)

Friday, January 15, 2010

Crash course on the last 15 weeks

My baby boy will be a whopping 16 weeks old on Monday Jan. 18th and officially 4 months on January 28th! WOW! He is getting so big! Just for my benefit, I am going to take the time to reminisce over the last 15 weeks.

I'm pretty sure Zayne was holding his head up before he even was even born because he was a champ at it from day one. He was sucking on his fingers by 5 minutes. He nursed like a pro the first time he ate and has pretty much been attached to me ever since. With the exception of about 1 week when he was 2 weeks old he REFUSES to suck on a paci. If it doesn't have anything coming out of it then he doesn't want it in his mouth. Daddy gave him his first bottle at 2 weeks old (mommy milk of course) and done ok with it but we didn't give him another one until he was around 6 weeks old. He done ok with bottles at first but now at 15 weeks we are struggling with that. He DEFINITELY prefers the real thing.

He has also been pushing up with his little legs like he thinks he can just get up and walk since he was a few weeks old. At 6 weeks old he really started to notice that he could 'play' with us. He LOVED sticking his tongue out and watching us do the same. Around the same time he began to smile REAL smiles...not the fake "i just let one and it felt awesome" kinda smiles. Those started on day one. At 8 weeks he was ALL SMILES ALL THE TIME.

His absolute favorite place to sleep was right next to mommy or daddy. For the first 3 or 4 weeks he was an expert sleeper. He would sleep all night in his bassinet and it was oh so wonderful. After that...not so much. Mommy made the mistake of nursing while laying in the bed and that was the end of mommy's good sleep because for the next 11 weeks he would be in the bed with me. Daddy began rocking him in the glider sometime around 7 weeks old and it was great because they would both fall asleep and I would get a few hours of sleep BY MYSELF in my bed. I'm not sure who put who to sleep though because many nights daddy would be OUT in that chair while zayne would be awake playing with his hands.

He found his hands around 8 weeks and they have been the object of his attention more often than not ever since. Around 10 weeks old he began swatting at toys hanging above him and 11 weeks old brought about some intense tummy time. He didn't like it but we got through it. Around 12 or 13 weeks we invested in a bumbo and he LOVES it {and so does mommy}. He is very nosey and wants to see everything and this gives him the perfect opportunity to do so. At 14 weeks he rolled over for the first time. I thought that maybe Alana did it for him until I saw him do it a second time. He didn't do it again though. He has tried to sit up on his own since around 10 weeks old...always throwing his little body around like he knew what to do with it. And so I figured he would be sitting up before he would roll over again. I was wrong. Today at 15 weeks 5 days he WILL NOT stay on his back. This is out of the blue. I put him on his belly and over he went before I could stand up. I rolled him back over and again..over he went and this time he smiled at me a smile that said "uh the fun begins". This went on several more times and I gave up and let the little rascal stay on his back.

He has also shown a big interest in putting toys in his mouth lately too. I figure I don't have much longer before I have to go through all of Alana and Jordan's toys and put away everything with small parts that are so conveniently about the same size as a baby's wind pipe. WHY do they (toy manufacturers) do that?

Remember how I said his favorite place to sleep is right beside mommy? Well that may still be true but mommy and daddy reclaimed their bed a few nights ago and so we have slept in a baby free bed for 3 nights straight now! I should NEVER have started that! Oh well. It was sweet in some ways. And we still take an occasional nap together...hey, I couldn't quit cold turkey.

Zayne has absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt been my easiest baby. He is growing so fast and I have enjoyed the last 15 weeks more than I could ever have imagined. I don't know what the future holds for our little family of 5. Will we stay a family of 5? Or will God add another little blessing to our family? Either way, I am content. If His will for us is that we grow in size then thats fine but if His will is for us to simply grow as a family of 5 then thats fine too. Either way we have already been blessed WAY more than I could have ever dreamed. All the Glory, Honor, and Praise to Christ The King!
“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged” (Deuteronomy 31:8).

Do you ever feel alone in this crazy world? Do you ever feel like your prayers are only making it to the ceiling and bouncing right back? Do you wonder what God is doing when you can't see Him? I think we all feel like this from time to time. Sometimes I feel like a one way mirror has formed between me and God and while I KNOW He is there I can't see Him.

For whatever reason, God sometimes chooses to be silent. I get disappointed when I don't get a "YES" answer from God and I get frustrated when I get a "WAIT" answer from God. But those don't compare to how I feel when God is silent. I know He isn't trying to punish me, I know He hasn't forgotten me, and I know that He isn't too busy for me. But it's hard when we can't see Him.

Sometimes the silence makes me dig deeper to find what He wants to reveal to me. Maybe the answer is right before our eyes but we can't see it...or don't WANT to see it. Maybe we are looking in the wrong place or in the wrong way. Maybe God isn't ready for us to see the answer or maybe He knows that we aren't ready to see it.

I find it sooo hard to wait when God is silent. I just want to hurry things along...hurry HIM along. But the truth is that HE knows what is best and our impatience will only get in the way of His of will for us. Our desire should be whatever His will is for us. If we continue to try to hurry Him up we end up getting frustrated and we feel defeated. True happiness lies in resting in His will, in His hands, on His path, in His time.

So what are we to do? We wait. We trust. We believe. We pray. He WILL NOT forsake us or leave us or throw us to the wolves.

When we feel the most out of control we need to remember and rest in the fact that He is in more control than ever. Worry and worship can not happen at the same time. When you can't see what God is up to, pray that He will hold you closer than ever before, put your worry aside and praise Him.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I have copied this from a friends blog. These are not my words but I wish they were. I think everyone I know can bear being reminded of this. I didn't ask her to use it but I'm SURE she won't mind. Her name is Em and she's right on with this one!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Packing up the Suitcase...

Don’t you love people who claim they “hand everything over to God” but their lives show differently? This is something I’ve thought about for a few days now. I read a lot of blogs and a lot of Facebook posts and I even catch myself doing it!!! It’s that thing we, as Christians, probably ALL do at some point or another.

“I’m handing ________ over to God and leaving it in his hands”, however how many of us pick that back up right after we say amen and try to fix it all on our own? There is an author that talks about unpacking your suitcase and leaving it at the feet of Jesus but when you are done you pack everything back up and take it with you again! Like I said, we ALL do that at some point. I personally think that God understands that, it’s human nature to want to fix it on our own; the problem comes when that is what you are characterized by.

How many times do you talk to a person and they said “God will handle it” or “I’m not going to worry about it anymore” then not long after they are talking about the same thing again? You know…People need to have MORE FAITH!!! I personally believe that when this becomes what you are characterized by; meaning this is the norm instead of the exception, you need to have more faith, trust God more!!

I have people still say “I’m sorry” about loosing the baby or ask if I’m okay, my response is always “its okay, I’m good” and I mean that. Then there are the people who look at me like I am a cold-hearted you know what when I say that…but really people, I AM OKAY!!! Yes, I have bad days and yes, I will probably fall apart a few times come Feb. 5th but I AM OKAY!! I am okay because I gave it to God and I didn’t pack it back up in my suitcase and carry it around with me!! I’m not saying that everyone who has lost someone should be okay with it…I’m saying if you hand it over to God, it will be okay!

Before you get mad at me….I do understand that there are things that will always hurt and will never “go away” but you don’t have to do it alone! When you leave it at the feet of Jesus that doesn’t mean you won’t be confronted with it again…it means you get your strength to handle it through Him, you don’t have to carry that suitcase all on your own!

So….pack up your hurt, pain and worry and drop the suitcase at the feet of Jesus and let Him carry it for you! There is NOTHING too big or too complicated for God to handle. The biggest challenge is leaving it there. If you give something over to God and then find yourself worrying about it or blogging about it or Facebooking it over and over…you didn’t leave it. Just start over, be honest with God. He knows you didn’t leave it with Him!! Trust Him….he will never leave you nor forsake you! Remember the line from a famous poem,

“The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand, is when I carried you”

Monday, January 11, 2010

The changes a year can bring

One very blessed year ago this week our last precious little sweetheart was concieved. A blessing yet to be known to us. How fast time can fly. I look back to when it was just the four us and realize that I can't imagine our lives without Zayne. He has made Jordan a big brother of two, made Alana a big sister and made mommy and daddy parents to THREE. I remember being scared to death. I told so many people that I only had two hands. HOW was I going to take care of 3 kids. Truth be told...and I wouldn't know this for many more months...I found that going from 2 to 3 was ALOT easier than going from 1 to 2. You see, only a mother can talk AND listen to 4 different people at one time and hear AND address what is being said ALL while cooking and doing laundry. I wasn't able to do that until WELL after Alana was born. Now I'm pretty much a pro. Our lives were forever changed that week one year ago. Bonds have been formed amoung my 3 children that are so incredibly beautiful. My husband and I have figured out how to be a 'party of 5' and as if our house wasn't lively enough we have one more to throw into the mix. I have learned how to get out of the house by myself with 3 kids, a diaper bag, a pocket book and on Sundays add a bible and devotional book to that along with any other items that might need to be taken back to a store or taken to a friend. I'm not saying I'm always on time but I DO get to wherever I'm going and for the most part my children are well behaved while we're there. I had fears of seeing 3 children flying in 6 different directions (kids can do that you know) and me not knowing where to go first but things aren't that hard. I believe the most trying time in the last year was just a week ago when all the kids were sick with a stomach bug and I was up all night for 3 nights cleaning up throw up laced with koolaid. And then to top it off I got once the kids were better. I just had to keep telling myself that this too shall pass. Adding Zayne to our family has been wonderful. I am very thankful for this week one year ago. We have been blessed way beyond belief and we are very undeserving of the Fathers love. Its truely amazing the changes a year can bring.