Sunday, January 31, 2010

Feeling a little {off} as of late...

So I LOVE my church family and I am sad. I am sad because this will be the THIRD straight Sunday that I have not been at church. I have had a very sick baby and two sick 'big' kids and have been unable to go for two reasons. I needed to keep my little baby home so that he could get better without being put in the hospital and I needed to keep them all home so that we did not share our germs. My church family is wonderful and would normally be grateful for anything that was shared with them but I'm pretty sure they appreciate me not sharing this time.

I love my Sunday school class which is made up of ladies of all ages. We are currently doing a study about David called Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed by Priscilla Shirer, Beth Moore, and Kay Arthur. It has been a blessing to many in the class and I would definitely recommend it to any group of ladies looking for a good study. We have great fellowship, worship and praise, and learning in that class. It is nice to be able to do those things with such a great group of ladies and I can't WAIT to be back.

I enjoy our worship service which is growing every Sunday! Praise the Lord! Very soon it will be one year that we learned that our Pastor and his family of 11 years was leaving us to become missionaries to Buffalo NY. We grieved our loss but celebrated Buffalo's gain. Of course we were sad but why would we try to step in the way of the Lord's work. Buffalo needs Jesus and our Pastor answered that call. So after several months of having fill in pastor's and speakers we found the new old guy :). He was once a youth pastor/intern type thing I think at our church many years ago and had since moved out of state to pastor another church. We are grateful to have him back and we have already seen alot of changes and are excited to see what the New Year and New Pastor brings to our church! We serve a BIG God who does BIG things!

I love our Sunday School teachers and children's church teachers and nursery workers! I love the fact that I can trust that my kids are being taken care of while I worship! And it is wonderful when my 2 year old gets soooo excited to go see Mr. Wayne and Mrs. Carol (her Sunday school teachers). She knows when we start getting ready that its church time and she can't wait to leave! My son is starting to really learn alot about bible stories and that thrills me! Knowing that my kids are loved and are being taken care of is very comforting.

Wednesday we will be starting a new program (new to us anyway) called growth groups. They are small group studies and I am excited to see how it all works out! Come out and join us. We have a group for everyone! Feel free to check it out here

So....since I have been stuck at home for the last 3 weeks I was looking forward to going to church today and getting back in the groove of things. But now because of this snow, albeit beautiful and fun, I can not go. Even if I COULD get out our church has canceled services, understandably so. I can't wait until Wednesday when we start our groups and I can finally get back to church...barring any other sickness or bad weather but that better not happen. I always feel 'off' when I don't get to go to church...then again, some would argue I am always a little off....

Thursday, January 28, 2010

4 Months Old and holding on to my BLUE eyes.

So here we are. Our baby boy is 4 months old today. As of last week he was just over 14lbs. He is still wearing some 0-3 month clothes but I think its time for mommy to let go and move on up to 3-6. He is rolling over like a champ from his belly to his back and is pretty close to going from back to belly. He still has BEAUTIFUL blue eyes {see above} and mommy is super excited about that since daddy, big brother and big sister all have BIG brown eyes. Maybe I'll get my blue eyed baby or anything other than brown.

He loves sitting in his bumbo and playing with toys. He has really started to get good at holding toys and they usually go STRAIGHT to his mouth. His hands are always near his face if not in his mouth. He is such a happy boy MOST of the time. But I'm pretty sure he is starting to teeth because he LOVES his little rubber star that vibrates.

I'll be going to the store to invest in some happy pills pretty soon. They are these great all natural teething pills. We don't use gels on babies gums because they tend to harden the gums and while they DO numb the pain it just makes it harder for the teeth to break through. The teething tablets help with pain without the hardening side effect.

I'm so blessed to have such a wonderful little boy. He has been super sick with RSV as of late so he was pretty fussy for awhile but now that we are starting to get over it he has returned to his happy little self. I'm so excited to see him grow and in awe of his little personality and how he reacts with all of us. The last 4 months have definitely been great. I can't wait to see what the future holds! HOPEFULLY he'll hold on to his BLUE EYES!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Can You PLEASE just write it in the clouds?!?!?!

Change is hard. For me anyway. Why is it that whan change isn't your CHOICE that it seems to be easier. For some reason I have a bigger problem with change when I can CHOOSE to do it or not. If it is forced upon me then I have no choice but to except it but when I can choose whether or not to partake in the change that is going on then I find it hard to do. I don't like to disturb 'life as we know it' when there is nothing wrong with it. I don't consider myself to be a person who objects to change and I feel like I generally adapt well to change so I don't know why this particular situation is bothering me so much. I guess when it is a small aspect of my life it is easier to change but when it is a BIG aspect that could change ALOT of's just harder.

We are in the midst of a possible life changing situation right now that I can't elaborate on. I've been praying about it and praying about it and I guess I'm not exactly looking in the right place but I can't seem to figure out what God wants. Or maybe I'm looking too hard and its right in front of my face. It would just be nice to see it written in the clouds. I want sooo much to know what the best thing to do is. Hopefully I'll feel some peace about it soon!

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Grrrr.....Trying to figure out this signature stuff. Maybe later.

Friday, January 22, 2010

New Year...New Blog...MAYBE....

If you are here and this place looks like a mismatched mess then I'm sorry. I want to overhaul the blog but I can't decide how. Since I am a stay at home mommy to 3 rambunctious kiddos I can't do it all at one time. Give me a day or two a week and we'll see what I can come up with.

16 week old with RSV + Snotty nosed toddler = VERY tired mommy

Here's what's going on in the Clark abode.

Jordan had a 5 day weekend from school...Why? I'm not entirely sure but I enjoyed it and didn't want him to go back to school yesterday [Thursday]. Matt has every Tuesday and Wednesday off so that REALLY cuts into time he gets to spend with Jordan since Jordan is out of school on Saturdays and Sundays while Matt is at work. So since Jordan was out of school...Daddy and Jordan spent ALOT of time together and Jordan absolutely LOVED IT. Daddy on the other hand was super tired by Thursday.

Zayne devoleped a slight runny nose and started being a little crabby on Monday night. By Tuesday morning I could tell he was getting sick so at lunchtime I made the executive decision to put in a call to his doctor. Appt was scheduled for 3pm. By 1pm he was running a pretty high fever and I pumped him full of Tylenol. By the time his nurse took his temp. at his appt it was down to 100.6. At the end of the doctors visit I had an explanation for the crazy runny nose and the cough that would only get worse in the days to come: RSV. Now if you've ever had a child with RSV then you know that isn't something you want to hear. Jordan had it very bad when he was a baby and it isn't something I wanted to through again but alas I had no choice. We spent the next 3 hours trying to round up a nebulizer and get his medicine worked out. By the time we got home mommy and baby were two tired people. We started the breathing treatments and settled in for what would prove to be a long night...or 3. It is now Friday and I haven't slept very much at all since Monday night. We went back to the doctor on Thursday because I didn't see any improvement. The doctor decided that it would be a good idea to treat Zayne with some antibiotics and oral that has been added to our medicine cabinet. "You should see a turn around by Saturday or Sunday" said the doctor. Actually by Thursday night Zayne seemed to be some better so hopefully today will begin the major turn around and I can get some sleep tonight.

All that sounds good but I think it may be wishful thinking because Alana devoleped a runny nose on Wednesday night. I'm sure she is getting sick. RSV is very contagious and MOST people/children get it. It just presents as a bad cold in adults and older children. It can be deadly for little babies like Zayne because they have a hard time fighting it off. So...I'm bracing myself for wave 2 of this virus. I just wish I had gotten it FIRST so that my body could have made antibodies and passed them on to Zayne through my milk.

Here's to hoping the rest of us stay well and Zayne will get better soon. I hate seeing him hurt. I would take it all on myself if I fact don't think for one minute that I haven't tried bargaining with God. If only it worked that way. If you are a mother you know what I mean. It is getting hard for me to function normally since I am running on empty when it comes to rest. But mommies were made for this kind of thing so I know I will make it...I just can't wait until its over.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Here is Zayne's new trick...He has gotten pretty good at it :). The video was taken with an old digital camera becaue I couldn't find my newer one therefore it has no sound but who cares...its still cute :)

Friday, January 15, 2010

Crash course on the last 15 weeks

My baby boy will be a whopping 16 weeks old on Monday Jan. 18th and officially 4 months on January 28th! WOW! He is getting so big! Just for my benefit, I am going to take the time to reminisce over the last 15 weeks.

I'm pretty sure Zayne was holding his head up before he even was even born because he was a champ at it from day one. He was sucking on his fingers by 5 minutes. He nursed like a pro the first time he ate and has pretty much been attached to me ever since. With the exception of about 1 week when he was 2 weeks old he REFUSES to suck on a paci. If it doesn't have anything coming out of it then he doesn't want it in his mouth. Daddy gave him his first bottle at 2 weeks old (mommy milk of course) and done ok with it but we didn't give him another one until he was around 6 weeks old. He done ok with bottles at first but now at 15 weeks we are struggling with that. He DEFINITELY prefers the real thing.

He has also been pushing up with his little legs like he thinks he can just get up and walk since he was a few weeks old. At 6 weeks old he really started to notice that he could 'play' with us. He LOVED sticking his tongue out and watching us do the same. Around the same time he began to smile REAL smiles...not the fake "i just let one and it felt awesome" kinda smiles. Those started on day one. At 8 weeks he was ALL SMILES ALL THE TIME.

His absolute favorite place to sleep was right next to mommy or daddy. For the first 3 or 4 weeks he was an expert sleeper. He would sleep all night in his bassinet and it was oh so wonderful. After that...not so much. Mommy made the mistake of nursing while laying in the bed and that was the end of mommy's good sleep because for the next 11 weeks he would be in the bed with me. Daddy began rocking him in the glider sometime around 7 weeks old and it was great because they would both fall asleep and I would get a few hours of sleep BY MYSELF in my bed. I'm not sure who put who to sleep though because many nights daddy would be OUT in that chair while zayne would be awake playing with his hands.

He found his hands around 8 weeks and they have been the object of his attention more often than not ever since. Around 10 weeks old he began swatting at toys hanging above him and 11 weeks old brought about some intense tummy time. He didn't like it but we got through it. Around 12 or 13 weeks we invested in a bumbo and he LOVES it {and so does mommy}. He is very nosey and wants to see everything and this gives him the perfect opportunity to do so. At 14 weeks he rolled over for the first time. I thought that maybe Alana did it for him until I saw him do it a second time. He didn't do it again though. He has tried to sit up on his own since around 10 weeks old...always throwing his little body around like he knew what to do with it. And so I figured he would be sitting up before he would roll over again. I was wrong. Today at 15 weeks 5 days he WILL NOT stay on his back. This is out of the blue. I put him on his belly and over he went before I could stand up. I rolled him back over and again..over he went and this time he smiled at me a smile that said "uh the fun begins". This went on several more times and I gave up and let the little rascal stay on his back.

He has also shown a big interest in putting toys in his mouth lately too. I figure I don't have much longer before I have to go through all of Alana and Jordan's toys and put away everything with small parts that are so conveniently about the same size as a baby's wind pipe. WHY do they (toy manufacturers) do that?

Remember how I said his favorite place to sleep is right beside mommy? Well that may still be true but mommy and daddy reclaimed their bed a few nights ago and so we have slept in a baby free bed for 3 nights straight now! I should NEVER have started that! Oh well. It was sweet in some ways. And we still take an occasional nap together...hey, I couldn't quit cold turkey.

Zayne has absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt been my easiest baby. He is growing so fast and I have enjoyed the last 15 weeks more than I could ever have imagined. I don't know what the future holds for our little family of 5. Will we stay a family of 5? Or will God add another little blessing to our family? Either way, I am content. If His will for us is that we grow in size then thats fine but if His will is for us to simply grow as a family of 5 then thats fine too. Either way we have already been blessed WAY more than I could have ever dreamed. All the Glory, Honor, and Praise to Christ The King!
“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged” (Deuteronomy 31:8).

Do you ever feel alone in this crazy world? Do you ever feel like your prayers are only making it to the ceiling and bouncing right back? Do you wonder what God is doing when you can't see Him? I think we all feel like this from time to time. Sometimes I feel like a one way mirror has formed between me and God and while I KNOW He is there I can't see Him.

For whatever reason, God sometimes chooses to be silent. I get disappointed when I don't get a "YES" answer from God and I get frustrated when I get a "WAIT" answer from God. But those don't compare to how I feel when God is silent. I know He isn't trying to punish me, I know He hasn't forgotten me, and I know that He isn't too busy for me. But it's hard when we can't see Him.

Sometimes the silence makes me dig deeper to find what He wants to reveal to me. Maybe the answer is right before our eyes but we can't see it...or don't WANT to see it. Maybe we are looking in the wrong place or in the wrong way. Maybe God isn't ready for us to see the answer or maybe He knows that we aren't ready to see it.

I find it sooo hard to wait when God is silent. I just want to hurry things along...hurry HIM along. But the truth is that HE knows what is best and our impatience will only get in the way of His of will for us. Our desire should be whatever His will is for us. If we continue to try to hurry Him up we end up getting frustrated and we feel defeated. True happiness lies in resting in His will, in His hands, on His path, in His time.

So what are we to do? We wait. We trust. We believe. We pray. He WILL NOT forsake us or leave us or throw us to the wolves.

When we feel the most out of control we need to remember and rest in the fact that He is in more control than ever. Worry and worship can not happen at the same time. When you can't see what God is up to, pray that He will hold you closer than ever before, put your worry aside and praise Him.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I have copied this from a friends blog. These are not my words but I wish they were. I think everyone I know can bear being reminded of this. I didn't ask her to use it but I'm SURE she won't mind. Her name is Em and she's right on with this one!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Packing up the Suitcase...

Don’t you love people who claim they “hand everything over to God” but their lives show differently? This is something I’ve thought about for a few days now. I read a lot of blogs and a lot of Facebook posts and I even catch myself doing it!!! It’s that thing we, as Christians, probably ALL do at some point or another.

“I’m handing ________ over to God and leaving it in his hands”, however how many of us pick that back up right after we say amen and try to fix it all on our own? There is an author that talks about unpacking your suitcase and leaving it at the feet of Jesus but when you are done you pack everything back up and take it with you again! Like I said, we ALL do that at some point. I personally think that God understands that, it’s human nature to want to fix it on our own; the problem comes when that is what you are characterized by.

How many times do you talk to a person and they said “God will handle it” or “I’m not going to worry about it anymore” then not long after they are talking about the same thing again? You know…People need to have MORE FAITH!!! I personally believe that when this becomes what you are characterized by; meaning this is the norm instead of the exception, you need to have more faith, trust God more!!

I have people still say “I’m sorry” about loosing the baby or ask if I’m okay, my response is always “its okay, I’m good” and I mean that. Then there are the people who look at me like I am a cold-hearted you know what when I say that…but really people, I AM OKAY!!! Yes, I have bad days and yes, I will probably fall apart a few times come Feb. 5th but I AM OKAY!! I am okay because I gave it to God and I didn’t pack it back up in my suitcase and carry it around with me!! I’m not saying that everyone who has lost someone should be okay with it…I’m saying if you hand it over to God, it will be okay!

Before you get mad at me….I do understand that there are things that will always hurt and will never “go away” but you don’t have to do it alone! When you leave it at the feet of Jesus that doesn’t mean you won’t be confronted with it again…it means you get your strength to handle it through Him, you don’t have to carry that suitcase all on your own!

So….pack up your hurt, pain and worry and drop the suitcase at the feet of Jesus and let Him carry it for you! There is NOTHING too big or too complicated for God to handle. The biggest challenge is leaving it there. If you give something over to God and then find yourself worrying about it or blogging about it or Facebooking it over and over…you didn’t leave it. Just start over, be honest with God. He knows you didn’t leave it with Him!! Trust Him….he will never leave you nor forsake you! Remember the line from a famous poem,

“The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand, is when I carried you”

Monday, January 11, 2010

The changes a year can bring

One very blessed year ago this week our last precious little sweetheart was concieved. A blessing yet to be known to us. How fast time can fly. I look back to when it was just the four us and realize that I can't imagine our lives without Zayne. He has made Jordan a big brother of two, made Alana a big sister and made mommy and daddy parents to THREE. I remember being scared to death. I told so many people that I only had two hands. HOW was I going to take care of 3 kids. Truth be told...and I wouldn't know this for many more months...I found that going from 2 to 3 was ALOT easier than going from 1 to 2. You see, only a mother can talk AND listen to 4 different people at one time and hear AND address what is being said ALL while cooking and doing laundry. I wasn't able to do that until WELL after Alana was born. Now I'm pretty much a pro. Our lives were forever changed that week one year ago. Bonds have been formed amoung my 3 children that are so incredibly beautiful. My husband and I have figured out how to be a 'party of 5' and as if our house wasn't lively enough we have one more to throw into the mix. I have learned how to get out of the house by myself with 3 kids, a diaper bag, a pocket book and on Sundays add a bible and devotional book to that along with any other items that might need to be taken back to a store or taken to a friend. I'm not saying I'm always on time but I DO get to wherever I'm going and for the most part my children are well behaved while we're there. I had fears of seeing 3 children flying in 6 different directions (kids can do that you know) and me not knowing where to go first but things aren't that hard. I believe the most trying time in the last year was just a week ago when all the kids were sick with a stomach bug and I was up all night for 3 nights cleaning up throw up laced with koolaid. And then to top it off I got once the kids were better. I just had to keep telling myself that this too shall pass. Adding Zayne to our family has been wonderful. I am very thankful for this week one year ago. We have been blessed way beyond belief and we are very undeserving of the Fathers love. Its truely amazing the changes a year can bring.