Hurting.

Tonight I hurt. I am in pain...a pain you would not believe...unless you are a mother. BUT the pain I feel is absolutely NOTHING compared to what some mothers feel tonight, what they've felt, what more will feel, and what I can only BEG to NEVER EVER EVER fully understand. There is a sweet child by the name of Anna who just a mere 5 days ago was a normal 10 year old. 4 days ago she was put on a vent...tonight she is on a ECMO machine fighting for her life. 5 days ago she was diagnosed with a rare cancer. I can not fathom the pain this family is going through. I do not know them personally but Anna attends school where my son does. I had such a heavy heart since learning about all this. I always knew this stuff went on. I've always cried while watching the marathons on TV or listening to them on the radio. For some reason this has REALLY opened my eyes. I've done more reading of other children and other mothers and fathers and brothers and sisters and whole families who have had to say goodbye to their young children. Do I understand it? No. A HUGE RESOUNDING NO. Do I have faith that God has a plan? Yes. Does it still hurt? OH YEAH. I have hugged and kissed and said I love you to my children more in the last week than I usually do in an entire month. Every time they pass by me or look at me I am taking the opportunity to show them my love for them. I have prayed for them and prayed over them and touched them and watch them sleep. I am absolutely broken for these families. Broken to the point where all I can do is cry and pray. This has made me a better mother. I WILL be a better mother to my children. I'm not a bad mom to begin with but I have SOOO much room for improvement. My kids deserve better so thats what I will give them. I NEVER want to say I wish we had done this or I WISH I would have been able to do that. No more putting things off because I don't want to do it right then. Seriously?!?! How many mothers only WISH they could be 'bothered' by their child. My eyes have certainly been opened ALOT wider in the past week. I take so much for granted. No more. Go hug your kids, think about the mommas who can't, pray for them, and then make the promise to your kids that you won't take them for granted anymore...even if you think you don't.