Tell Me I'm Not ALONE!!!!!

I feel crazy. I feel like I have no idea what I want. I feel like I have no idea what I feel like. See. I told you I'm crazy. We have 3 precious children and I couldn't ask for anything more than we have. When we had Zayne we threw around the idea of having a fourth child and at one point decided that it was fine with us if thats what God has planned for us. So we were at a point of 'if it happens it happens' kinda thing. Then we talked about it more and decided that we both felt complete. And that is where we have been for the last 5 months or so. Zayne has been our easiest child. There was never any reason for us to slam down our fists and say "THATS IT! WE'RE DONE! WE CAN'T HANDLE ANOTHER CHILD". To be honest our 3 kids are probably easier than some singleton children with Zayne being the easiest. My pregnancy with him was REALLY hard and I have no desire to go through that again BUT there is no guarantee that would happen. The reason we decided to be 'done' is mainly because we {or rather I} are ready to be able to move out of the baby stage. We are ready to be able to do more things without having a baby in tow. Tell me that makes sense to some of you. I'm ready to be able to go places without a diaper bag and go to the beach without a baby, go to Disney world and let ALL my kids enjoy the rides, go camping, go places without wondering whether or not I'm going to be able to put my child down, go somewhere that I don't have to worry about what I'm going to do with the baby because he 'might put something in his mouth'. Am I making sense? I LOVE my baby and I DON'T DON'T DON'T want to rush him out of the baby stage but at the same time I don't think I want go down that road for a 4th time. AND THEN......I have these little twinges....sometimes those twinges feel more like a punch in the gut...that say 'YOU WANT ANOTHER BABY'. How can I be 110 percent DONE one minute then feel like I want another one the next?!?!?! We are happy as a family of 5 so why do I feel like this! I want to grow up as a family but here and there are the little things that make me soooo long for another baby. My 9 month old is getting WAY TOO BIG WAY TOO FAST so that may be part of the problem. I really can't see us having another one but then that makes me a little sad. SEE?!?!?! See how I go back and forth?!?!?! Please someone tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way! I guess the best way to put it is that we are finished having babies {unless of course we are surprised} but I am sad about it. Tell me I'm not alone!

I can't believe how big you have gotten!!!!!

9 Months. Are you sure? I'm in denial. In 3 short months my baby boy will be ONE and my sweet little girl will be THREE! No way. It isn't possible. But since everyone keeps reminding me about it I guess I will accept it and put a few things here I don't want to forget.

You are still ALL smiles ALL the time [well most of the time anyway].

You weigh in at a healthy 18 pounds.

You wanted NOTHING to do with baby food AT all so we have moved on to table food. You LOVE LOVE LOVE sweet potatoes and all things FRUIT. I don't have to mess with mashing anything up, you 'gum' it just fine.

You have TWO little teeth now. On the bottom, side by side. You have only bit me a few times while nursing and I think you have pretty much learned your lesson about that.

You still get up at night. There have been a few nights you didn't get up at all but for the most part you get up at least once and on occasion you get up more. I don't mind unless it is EVERY HOUR [which is seldom].

You speed crawl everywhere you go [and go you do].

Once you get to your destination you pull yourself up and cruise around. I have found you standing without holding on to anything several times. It is getting more and more often and for longer periods but you haven't taken any steps yet. I want you to walk but I have to admit...I am sad that it is happening so soon.


I love going into your room in the mornings. You don't cry when you wake up but instead you talk and play until I come get you unless of course I take to long and then you get rather mouthy. Once I get into your room you look up at me with a great big smile that makes me melt.

You have started to show some signs of being bashful especially around women. When they look at and talk to you, you smile a huge smile and bury your face in my shoulder or look down. I'm sure this phase won't last long as your brother and sister know NO strangers.

When Jordan is in the room you watch his every move. You love for Jordan and Alana to play with you and you already don't like it when someone takes a toy from you. I have a feeling I'm in for a few power struggles among the three of you BUT I also thing you three will be inseparable!

You LOVE the swimming pool. You will float around for as long as we stay in the pool. I just have to keep an eye on you because you like to lick the water and sometimes dip your nose in it too. You aren't a fish silly little boy.


I can still say that you have been the easiest baby!