I feel crazy. I feel like I have no idea what I want. I feel like I have no idea what I feel like. See. I told you I'm crazy. We have 3 precious children and I couldn't ask for anything more than we have. When we had Zayne we threw around the idea of having a fourth child and at one point decided that it was fine with us if thats what God has planned for us. So we were at a point of 'if it happens it happens' kinda thing. Then we talked about it more and decided that we both felt complete. And that is where we have been for the last 5 months or so. Zayne has been our easiest child. There was never any reason for us to slam down our fists and say "THATS IT! WE'RE DONE! WE CAN'T HANDLE ANOTHER CHILD". To be honest our 3 kids are probably easier than some singleton children with Zayne being the easiest. My pregnancy with him was REALLY hard and I have no desire to go through that again BUT there is no guarantee that would happen. The reason we decided to be 'done' is mainly because we {or rather I} are ready to be able to move out of the baby stage. We are ready to be able to do more things without having a baby in tow. Tell me that makes sense to some of you. I'm ready to be able to go places without a diaper bag and go to the beach without a baby, go to Disney world and let ALL my kids enjoy the rides, go camping, go places without wondering whether or not I'm going to be able to put my child down, go somewhere that I don't have to worry about what I'm going to do with the baby because he 'might put something in his mouth'. Am I making sense? I LOVE my baby and I DON'T DON'T DON'T want to rush him out of the baby stage but at the same time I don't think I want go down that road for a 4th time. AND THEN......I have these little twinges....sometimes those twinges feel more like a punch in the gut...that say 'YOU WANT ANOTHER BABY'. How can I be 110 percent DONE one minute then feel like I want another one the next?!?!?! We are happy as a family of 5 so why do I feel like this! I want to grow up as a family but here and there are the little things that make me soooo long for another baby. My 9 month old is getting WAY TOO BIG WAY TOO FAST so that may be part of the problem. I really can't see us having another one but then that makes me a little sad. SEE?!?!?! See how I go back and forth?!?!?! Please someone tell me I'm not the only one who feels this way! I guess the best way to put it is that we are finished having babies {unless of course we are surprised} but I am sad about it. Tell me I'm not alone!
I am with you! I think it is completely normal. I know for a fact we are done. I will even make it permanate because I know our family is complete.
ReplyDeleteBut then I think of how I will never be pregnant again, never give birth, never have that eger antisipation of the baby I am about to meet, never hold a minutes hold baby that is MINE, and yes I get sad. Those are all very presious things and I treasure those moments with my three.
But, logically, I am done having kids. I have three wonderful children. We are comfortable finacually to provide what we want for our kids. Add a fourth, we wouldn't be able to give the three as much (I know this isn't the most important.. but I do want my kids to have things and oppotunities.)
Sorry about the poor spelling- it is early and I haven't had my coffee yet! LOL
You most definitely are not alone. I do the back and forth all of the time one min I think 4 kids is enough and I am satisfied and longing for the being out of the baby stage for good and the next min I want to have just one more. The longer time goes on though I am enjoying having more freedom to do things like camping and going to amusement parks and such since my youngest is now 3. My husband has been saying here recently that he thinks we will not have anymore not because he doesn't want one more but because he thinks God is saying we are done been trying for over a year and nothing. I do still long for one more but if it doesn't happen we have 4 wonderful healthy children.
ReplyDelete