Teaka's Truths: A letter to my daughter on her 3rd birthday

Dear Sweet Alana,

You are three. Three years ago you came CRASHING into our world. Things didn't go as planned. My body wanted you out long before you were ready but dear girl when it was time you sure didn't wait on anybody. After weeks of on again off again labor you decided to make a grand entrance and didn't leave mommy any time for pain medicine and you barely let me get to the hospital. You absolutely refused to wait on a dr. and didn't even need me to push you out. Sweet girl that has been you for the last three years. You are so independent. You are the sweetest, smartest, most independent little girl I have ever met. We tried hard for you and one day when you're old enough I'll tell you of all the heartache we had trying to get you. When you were born I was in awe. You are three years old but sometimes when I look at you I see my sweet newborn little baby girl. I know you better than I know myself somedays. I know what your tears mean and I know what you're saying even when no one else does. Daddy often jokes that you and I speak 'alana' and I have to translate sometimes. He's funny. I know how tiny your little fingers and toes still are and I know how you like to have your back rubbed. I know how your eyes sparkle when you laugh and when I hear that laugh I can see the sparkle even when I'm not in the same room with you. It makes me want to run to you just so I can soak up every minute of your childhood. I know how your hair lays just so on your head and how your long eyelashes flutter when you're falling asleep.

There have been so many things that you have done that I want to remember. One in particular that stands WAY above anything else is our bedtime routine. Baby girl, one day you will be a teenager and I pray that we are close and that you never shut me out but I also know that it will probably happen and I want us both to look back and remember what is now a nightly routine for us. Something that only we share. Something so simple and something that you probably won't understand until you have children of your own. Bedtime. Once daddy finishes saying prayers with you and your brothers you go climb into your bed where daddy tucks you in and gives you a kiss. After he leaves the room I give you kiss and fix your blankets. Sometimes I crawl into bed with you and you just giggle but no matter how long I stay there just holding you, you never drift off to sleep. You're waiting. Waiting for our routine. You see, every night since you were born I have done a double take before leaving your room. I longed for you so much that I couldn't, and still can't, believe you are mine. I guess somewhere along the way you began to notice that after your bedtime kiss, I would walk to the door and turn back just to look at you. Somewhere along the way you started sitting up and puckering up those tiny little lips for just one more kiss. Somewhere along the way {before you were born} you had me wrapped around your finger so I've never been able to walk away from a kiss. So EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT this is what we do. No matter what is going on. You can be dead asleep coming home from somewhere and I can carry you into your room, change your clothes without you waking up, and put you to bed with a kiss and turn to walk out but when I look back at what I thought was a sleeping beauty, you are, with your eyes still closed, sitting up with those little lips ready for one more kiss. You never ask for more and you only do it at night. It is something that we have shared for over a year now and it something I never want to let go. I know it something so small but I promise you, it will break my heart the night that you don't need or want that 'one more kiss' anymore.

Three years have passed baby girl and I love you and your brothers more than you can imagine. You are our little princess. You have a fascination with all things miniature. It is so precious. You love to play with little tiny things. I guess because you are so little yourself. You only weigh about 27lbs and you still wear size 2T clothes. I have never had your hair cut and don't have any plans to do so anytime soon. Its only hair...and it would grow back, but those little curls at the end of your hair is still baby hair and I just can't cut them off. You are full of drama. You do everything your brother does and even things he won't....like eat salad. Yes. You would rather have salad than pizza and you choose broccoli over fries. You give the tightest hugs ever and you treat your little brother so sweet MOST of the time. Things you say can crack mommy and daddy up sometimes and we love to hear you talk. I'm sure I'll eat those words one day. You are super dainty and love to be girly. Mommy isn't so great at all the girly stuff but I'll get better. I promise. For now we'll lean on our friend Lana Bosworth to teach us both.

Sweet sweet child, you deserve so much that I can't give you. But one thing that I promise that I'll do for you is teach you the love of Jesus and dear girl that is the most important thing you'll ever need to know. My desire is for you to one day be a woman who serves the Lord in all you do. You are only 3 but Alana I pray for your future. I pray for the man you will one day marry and the life that you will share with him. I pray you will never lose your way but sweet girl if you ever do I pray that you know that I will be here ready and willing to listen. Sweet girl your kisses brighten every inch of me and sometimes I want to hold you and keep you from all the wrong in the world but I know I can't, if I did then you would also miss out on many joys.

I feel so much joy and love when you wrap your tiny little arms around my neck and the surprise kisses you sometimes give me make me smile even on the worst days. Sweet baby girl you have taught me so much and I love you so much more.

Please don't grow up too fast.
I love you sweet girl.

Mommy