Friday, September 24, 2010

A letter to my daughter on her 3rd birthday

Dear Sweet Alana,

You are three. Three years ago you came CRASHING into our world. Things didn't go as planned. My body wanted you out long before you were ready but dear girl when it was time you sure didn't wait on anybody. After weeks of on again off again labor you decided to make a grand entrance and didn't leave mommy any time for pain medicine and you barely let me get to the hospital. You absolutely refused to wait on a dr. and didn't even need me to push you out. Sweet girl that has been you for the last three years. You are so independent. You are the sweetest, smartest, most independent little girl I have ever met. We tried hard for you and one day when you're old enough I'll tell you of all the heartache we had trying to get you. When you were born I was in awe. You are three years old but sometimes when I look at you I see my sweet newborn little baby girl. I know you better than I know myself somedays. I know what your tears mean and I know what you're saying even when no one else does. Daddy often jokes that you and I speak 'alana' and I have to translate sometimes. He's funny. I know how tiny your little fingers and toes still are and I know how you like to have your back rubbed. I know how your eyes sparkle when you laugh and when I hear that laugh I can see the sparkle even when I'm not in the same room with you. It makes me want to run to you just so I can soak up every minute of your childhood. I know how your hair lays just so on your head and how your long eyelashes flutter when you're falling asleep.

There have been so many things that you have done that I want to remember. One in particular that stands WAY above anything else is our bedtime routine. Baby girl, one day you will be a teenager and I pray that we are close and that you never shut me out but I also know that it will probably happen and I want us both to look back and remember what is now a nightly routine for us. Something that only we share. Something so simple and something that you probably won't understand until you have children of your own. Bedtime. Once daddy finishes saying prayers with you and your brothers you go climb into your bed where daddy tucks you in and gives you a kiss. After he leaves the room I give you kiss and fix your blankets. Sometimes I crawl into bed with you and you just giggle but no matter how long I stay there just holding you, you never drift off to sleep. You're waiting. Waiting for our routine. You see, every night since you were born I have done a double take before leaving your room. I longed for you so much that I couldn't, and still can't, believe you are mine. I guess somewhere along the way you began to notice that after your bedtime kiss, I would walk to the door and turn back just to look at you. Somewhere along the way you started sitting up and puckering up those tiny little lips for just one more kiss. Somewhere along the way {before you were born} you had me wrapped around your finger so I've never been able to walk away from a kiss. So EVERY.SINGLE.NIGHT this is what we do. No matter what is going on. You can be dead asleep coming home from somewhere and I can carry you into your room, change your clothes without you waking up, and put you to bed with a kiss and turn to walk out but when I look back at what I thought was a sleeping beauty, you are, with your eyes still closed, sitting up with those little lips ready for one more kiss. You never ask for more and you only do it at night. It is something that we have shared for over a year now and it something I never want to let go. I know it something so small but I promise you, it will break my heart the night that you don't need or want that 'one more kiss' anymore.

Three years have passed baby girl and I love you and your brothers more than you can imagine. You are our little princess. You have a fascination with all things miniature. It is so precious. You love to play with little tiny things. I guess because you are so little yourself. You only weigh about 27lbs and you still wear size 2T clothes. I have never had your hair cut and don't have any plans to do so anytime soon. Its only hair...and it would grow back, but those little curls at the end of your hair is still baby hair and I just can't cut them off. You are full of drama. You do everything your brother does and even things he won' eat salad. Yes. You would rather have salad than pizza and you choose broccoli over fries. You give the tightest hugs ever and you treat your little brother so sweet MOST of the time. Things you say can crack mommy and daddy up sometimes and we love to hear you talk. I'm sure I'll eat those words one day. You are super dainty and love to be girly. Mommy isn't so great at all the girly stuff but I'll get better. I promise. For now we'll lean on our friend Lana Bosworth to teach us both.

Sweet sweet child, you deserve so much that I can't give you. But one thing that I promise that I'll do for you is teach you the love of Jesus and dear girl that is the most important thing you'll ever need to know. My desire is for you to one day be a woman who serves the Lord in all you do. You are only 3 but Alana I pray for your future. I pray for the man you will one day marry and the life that you will share with him. I pray you will never lose your way but sweet girl if you ever do I pray that you know that I will be here ready and willing to listen. Sweet girl your kisses brighten every inch of me and sometimes I want to hold you and keep you from all the wrong in the world but I know I can't, if I did then you would also miss out on many joys.

I feel so much joy and love when you wrap your tiny little arms around my neck and the surprise kisses you sometimes give me make me smile even on the worst days. Sweet baby girl you have taught me so much and I love you so much more.

Please don't grow up too fast.
I love you sweet girl.


Happy Birthday Sweet Alana and never forget...I'll always do a double take and hope you'll always want just one more kiss from mommy.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Just call me a slacker....

Ok Ok OK. I had the best intentions with the 30 day challenge. I have failed miserably. I WILL do it. I just need to get through the next week or so. Things are SOOOO busy at my house right now. We have 3 birthdays and one anniversary all within 7 days of each other...ok one of those birthdays isn't IN my house but still someone very close to us. Add that to my son's baseball schedule and my sisters {who is 12 years younger than me} marching band schedule, along with church activities and I promise you that at the end of the day there just isn't very much time left for things that I want to do. So...I really want to 'blog' to my daughter who turned 3 yesterday and to my husband in honor of our anniversary. Once I get those accomplished I really do plan to do my 30 day challenge. Until then...just call me a slacker. :-)

Thursday, September 16, 2010

My new 30 day Challenge! maybe I'm a little late. Nonetheless I'm going to try it. I saw a post by a fellow blogger about this so I'm GOING TO DO IT! I challenge any of you who are reading this and have your own blog to do it as well. How about leaving me a comment here and letting me know that your going to give it whirl so that I can be sure to follow it. For the next 30 days [gulp] I will TRY to keep up with this challenge!

So here is the challenge for the next 30 days:
Day 1 — A favorite song
Day 2 — A favorite movie
Day 3 — A favorite book
Day 4 — A favorite television program
Day 5 — A favorite quote
Day 6 — A moment you wish you could relive
Day 7 — 5 things you could not possibly live without
Day 8 — A thank you letter to someone who's changed your life
Day 9 — A photo you took
Day 10 — A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 — A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 — A song that you want played at your wedding (or was played)
Day 13 — A guilty pleasure
Day 14 — A vacation you would like to take
Day 15 — A person you admire
Day 16 — A song that makes you cry
Day 17 — An art piece
Day 18 — A time when you felt passionate and alive
Day 19 — A talent of yours
Day 20 — A hobby of yours
Day 21 — Something you know you do differently than most people
Day 22 — A website
Day 23 — A way in which you want to be remembered
Day 24 — A movie no one would expect you to love
Day 25 — A recipe
Day 26 — A childhood memory
Day 27 — A physical feature you love
Day 28 — A scar you have, and its story or if no scars- a tattoo & story
Day 29 — Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 — A motto or philosophy

There you have it! Do you have what it takes to take on this challenge? Yeah me either, but I'm going to at least try! Maybe it will get me out of my blogging rut!

Saturday, September 11, 2010

As a mother looking back...

Today marks 9 years since that dreadful day. I was 17. Just a teenager. I remember all too well how I felt when I found what was going on. I was scared, angry, confused, shocked, sad...the wide range of emotions I felt was overwhelming. I was driving from my highschool that morning to my second period teacher cadet class at a nearby elementary school. I heard the news on the radio. To be honest I thought it was something from the past. No way would anyone dare to attack the US. No way was this going on right now. I soon realized that it was indeed happening right at that moment. The rest of the day was spent clinging to friends and watching the TV coverage in awe.

As I look back on that day now as a mother I feel even more emotion. There were babies in that building. There were mothers in that building. There were children who went to bed that night without parents and parents who went to bed without their children. As a mother looking back it hurts me to the core to imagine that. There were parents who escaped the initial attack but who felt a duty to help in the rescue efforts and gave their life that day. Their kids went to bed that night without a mommy or daddy and I'm sure in that moment it didn't matter that the rest of the country was calling their mom or dad a hero. As a mother looking back I can't imagine being one of those mothers who dropped my precious baby off at daycare and walked across the street to my job only to look out of the window an hour later to the horror of the building collapsing with my child still inside. As a mother looking back I can't imagine being a mother that day.

May we never forget. May we never forget that for a time we were all united. May we never forget that for a time there was no Jew, Muslim, Christian, black, white, mexican. May we never forget that for a time everyone pulled together. May we always remember that for a time we all supported each other and hurt for each other.

Never Forget, Always Remember

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Your First Birthday Is Near

Dear Zayne
My precious baby boy, you are turning one. You will be ONE. My last baby, you are going to be ONE. After what has been a very short year we are planning your first birthday.

Just two short weeks before you were born

It feels like just a few short weeks ago that I went to the doctor for what I thought was just a little back pain and was instead told to go straight to the hospital because at 25 weeks pregnant I was in preterm labor. After a weekend stay at the hospital and drugs to stop labor for me and steriods for you I was released only to come home to 14 weeks of bedrest...which I wasn't very good with by the way.

Then we met you. Our smallest little addition. You made us a party of five. I nice big round number. FIVE. You were perfect. You ARE perfect. My dear boy the last year has gone by way to fast. You are growing way to quickly. You are walking more and more everyday. Your little personality is really starting shine. Your smile brightens up the darkest of rooms. I am not the only person who says "That little boy can't help but smile". You are so happy, so healthy, so precious. You are mine. You have brought so much joy to our home the last year. I miss my tiny newborn but I love seeing you grow and learn. I've recently gone through all your clothes, newborn to 9 months and I have to admit, it made me cry some. I look back and remember how quickly you have grown. Our family didn't skip a beat when we brought you home. Your brother and sister accepted you from day one. Mommy and Daddy have some how figured out how to make this little family run. I am so proud to be your mommy. Even though I'm sad about how fast the last year has gone I am so excited to watch you become a toddler. I'm excited to teach you new things and excited to watch you play with your brother and sister. I'm excited to see you and your daddy play in the floor and I'm looking forward to the first time you say I love you mommy and wrap your little arms around my neck. There are so many things you will learn my precious baby boy. I pray that your heartaches are few and far between and I want you to know that now as a toddler and years from now as an adult that I will always be here for you. My prayer for you is that you will become a man who trusts God with everything and that you will not only have a burden for the lost, but my Dear Son, I pray that you will have the courage to reach out to them. Zayne I love you so much. It is amazing to me how I can love each of you with everything I have and all the same. I pray that you will feel our love everyday, no, every moment of your life. I pray that one day you will look back on your childhood and KNOW that you were loved. My precious little baby, in a few short weeks we will light one single candle and celebrate your first birthday. Today I am thinking of where I was one short year ago before you were born. I am reminded of how scared I was that I wouldn't be able to juggle life with 3 kids. But you have been easy and happy and haven't fussed very much at all along the way. Many days we got tangled up in the daily chaos of our family but dear boy I want you to know that I didn't miss anything. I noticed and praised all of your achievements and I've tried to keep note of when you reached new milestones. I caught them all and always will. You cry seldom, you smile often and you laugh more. You have completed our family and our lives are full.

Zayne I love you beyond words and completely. I always have and I forever will.

Love Mommy

A Few Hours Old

First time meeting your big brother and sister