A Decision Not Made Lightly

We're going to homeschool. This was a HARD decision for me. I've struggled with it for at least 2 years. At first I would NEVER have done it. A friend tried HARD to get me to commit to it but I wouldn't. I had (and still have) SOOOOO many reasons why I didn't want to.

The biggest reason is that I have ZERO patience. You would think that with 3 kids that my bucket of patience would be overflowing but really...I have none. Especially when it comes to school type work. I had these vivid flashes of yelling and screaming at my child if he didn't do his work the right way or in a timely manner.

Reason number 2: I don't want my kids to miss out. There are things like sports, band, clubs, and FRIENDS that schools offer that I didn't want my kids to be deprived of. I was afraid that they would regret missing those things.

Another Reason was that I REALLY like my free time. The idea of having my kids with me ALL THE TIME just wasn't very enticing to me. I LOVE my kids but sometimes I need a break. Don't you?

I'm not very organized either. How on this earth am I going to homeschool if I can't even keep everyday stuff organized? Yeah we'll see.

I felt like I was committing to a lifetime of homeschooling. I wasn't looking at it as just one year at a time. I was trying to tackle the next 18 years of my childrens lives. That my friends is a big bolder to shoulder.

What happened next? Well I spent many nights talking myself out of it. Telling God why I couldn't do it. I suggest that if you don't want to do something then don't tell God WHY you CAN'T because he WILL show you that you CAN.

I now have more patience with my children.

I have been coming across a TON of activities my kids can do that don't involve the school system and quite honestly seem to be better and look like more fun than the things they do. Including lots of 'field trips' we can take and optimist ball and homeschool sports groups and so on. As far as friends go...We spend alot of time at church and there are plenty of kids there. Not to mention optimist ball.

I joined a gym. This gym has child watch. Free time for me :).

My organization skills have improved a teeny tiny bit. But I'm working on it and I have every reason to believe that by August I'll have improved a good bit and if I haven't IT WILL BE OK.

I stopped looking at the next 18 years and started focusing on the PRESENT. Not even one year at a time. One MOMENT at a time. Homeschooling is going to be difficult for me and I'll have to take things as they come.

You see...I had and still have reservations. But those reservations aren't too big for God to tackle. I had and still have many reasons why I don't want to do it but those reasons aren't good enough. I TRIED to leave God out of it and just send my child to school. Public school isn't THAT bad...after I all...I made it. My child will get Jesus at church and at home I said. I had built up this wall. Lord you can have me but not that part. Leave that part alone because I'm telling you I CAN'T do it and I don't WANT to do it. But He wouldn't leave me alone. It seemed like EVERY. SINGLE. sermon at church had to do with me and homeschooling. Every lesson in sunday school was about me and homeschooling. Every devotion I did was about me and homeschooling. Do you think He was sending me a message? God...really? You REALLY want me to do this? I know You don't mean for me to actually DO THIS. ........do You? Are you sure?

So I started looking into it. I had looked into briefly before but wasn't impressed. This time I looked harder and what do you know. I actually found something that I LIKED and got excited about! I can't wait to start it actually. Now I KNOW that this excitement may be short lived but even thats a far cry from where I was 2 years ago. My husband had left the decision up to me. At first he didn't want me to anymore than I wanted to but now he wants me to do it. He isn't making me do it but he is behind me all the way. We have agreed that this is our only option for now.

I'm not going to lie and say I know this is going to be great. I KNOW we will have bad days and I KNOW I will have days when I doubt my ability and patience. I already have those days and we haven't even started yet. But when I look at the alternative it scares me. I mean really. Do you have any idea who your childs teacher is? Or what they are teaching your child? Or what is going on in your childs life for 7 hours everyday? Yeah you know the teachers name and you know what subjects they are learning and you know they are at school. Think about how vague that is. And to be quite honest...Jordan hasn't learned very much from school this year. I know its just kindergarten but what he HAS learned has been from home mostly.

I don't know where the future will lead us. There are alot of misconceptions about homeschooling. So many people have no idea what it can really be like. They imagine this kid who isn't allowed out of the house and who is socially deprived. Homeschooling has many different options. I'm hoping there will be an umbrella school around here in the next few years or maybe in a few years we'll have another option but for now we will homeschool....much to my dismay. It was definitely a decision not made lightly. I can rest easy now though. And I've learned to NEVER tell God I can't do something again.

Today's confession: I'm scared of homeschooling but I know God will help me through it. I still have my whiny 'buts' and I'm sure they won't go away. He brought me to it so He'll lead me through it.

Already?!?! I mean Seriously...

Wow. Just wow. So in the last week my little baby boy has gotten further and further away from little and baby. Boy he still is. Week number 18 has brought about a few changes. Zayne is now rolling from back to belly instead of just belly to back. He has had his first little bowl of cereal. And he is LOVING his exercauser. The little chunkster also knows when mommy is ready to feed him and he has this crazy little laugh/snicker when I get out the nursing pillow and we assume the position. He is very greedy and possessive when it comes to his...well his milk ;).

His first little bowl of cereal was a success. He would have eaten more but I just nursed him instead. We aren't big on the infant cereal around here. It really isn't necessary and I see it as more of a 'filler' than anything else so we stick with nursing with the occasional bit of cereal until about 6 months and then we start baby food. Alana wasn't a very big eater until well after her first birthday. I'm not sure how Zayne will react to food but mommy milk will be his main course with baby food as dessert until he's 1. It's good for them and it works for us.

I'm VERY surprised at his new skills this week. I wasn't expecting him to roll from his back to his belly so soon. He started it a few days ago. He isn't rolling all over the house..yet THANKFULLY. But he is rolling over quite a bit. I cleaned up the exercauser too this week. I put him in it expecting him to stay for a few minutes and be ready to get out. Instead he LOVED it and stayed in it for quite some time. He was turning around in the seat and trying to reach all the toys.

It kind of makes me sad. I want him to be just a baby for a little while longer. He has been so easy and enjoyable. They grow up entirely too fast. Lets just pause time for a bit....what do ya say?

This mornings confession: I've done NOTHING today. But since I've spent time cuddling with my babies I consider the morning a success.

FANTASTIC mom

So. I am a good mom. No wait. I am a FANTASTIC mom. Seriously. I am. Are there days that I want to duct tape my children to the wall? Oh yeah. Yesterday was one of those days. I really am a good mom though.

What makes a good mom? Here's what makes me one....

I gave up my body for 9 months times 3 and I have nursed for a total of 21 months now. All in the last 6 years. So for 48(4 years) of the last 72 months(6 years) my body has not been my own. And to be perfectly clear...I have been either pregnant or nursing for the last 39 months STRAIGHT. So when I say I'm tired, I MEAN IT. I can't wait to have my body back to myself but I have at LEAST another 8 months to share if not more. And just as a side note....there is NOTHING I can do to fix this body on my own...it will take some EXTENSIVE plastic surgery especially above the waste.

There is NOTHING and I do mean NOTHING I wouldn't do for my children. You want to see someone go into survivor bear raving banshee mode? Mess with a momma's chap and see what happens. No scratch that. You better run because you won't want to stick around to see the ending.

I have the radar. I've had it for 6 years now. You know the one I'm talking about if you're a mother. Its the one that can hear EVERY. SINGLE. PEEP. all of your children make and can figure out which one it was and be by their side in 2 seconds flat. And that particular radar comes with the handy dandy feature of being able to sleep with one eye open and it gives you the ability to function on ZERO sleep and then wake up with a start when you DO get an hour of sleep.

I am committed to parenting...not committed to an institution BECAUSE of parenting. Somedays I might seem like I need to be. But I've made...this far anyway.

After cleaning poop out of carpet and throw up out of hair, crayon off walls and pen off couches. After saying 58472685 times to do this or stop that. After sleepless nights and napless days. After toys on every. single. inch. of my floors and laundry towering toward the heavens. I can say I love what I do.

And what makes me the terrific mom I am is this...I admit that the above is ok. I may not be screaming for joy about all of it every moment of every day...but I am okay with it. In fact, I wouldn't trade it for all of the free time, sleep, and stretch mark free skin in the world.

The awesome experience of love at first sight, the wonder of being able to experience the world through those beautiful bright eyes of my children, the joy of being able to put others before myself...there's nothing like it.


Todays Confession:

When I start to get tired, I remember that we'll only be here, in this moment, just once and some of our time and space has to be sacred and dedicated to the family.

Sticking with the new theme...

So yes its true. If you didn't already know...I am domestically challenged. I don't do alot of housework or laundry and I'm not very organized. I have the desire...I just don't have the energy. I 'pick up' but I don't CLEAN. If you've been to my house then you know this. "Cleaning house while kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing" This is SOOOO true. Even if I DID clean, it wouldn't stay that way long.

"Cleaning and scrubbing
can wait until tomorrow
For babies grow up,
we've learned to our sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs,
Dust go to sleep,
I'm rocking my baby
and babies don't keep"

Laundry is a little different. I DO actually DO laundry. However I am WAY behind from a long time ago. Seriously. WAY BEHIND. I keep up with our everyday clothes but if actually were to wash all the clothes that we have I would probably be able to cloth another family...or two.

I REALLY want to be organized. I would love to have a daily schedule for ME. Not something crazy for my kids to follow but something for ME to go by. I will be homeschooling starting in August and I NEED to have a schedule by then but its HARD. I have all these things I WANT to do but I'm too lazy to do them. My day today has consisted of this:

Diapers
Cartoons
Breakfast
Nursing
Cartoons
Potty Training
Cartoons
Lunch
Nursing
Wii
Naps
Nursing
Cartoons
Wii
Potty Training
And of course the computer is thrown in there at various places throughout the day.

What was missing? Cleaning, Laundry, and ORGANIZATION. So my goal for the future is going to be laundry and organization. Not that I haven't had this goal before. But I REALLY have to get with it if homeschooling is going to work for us. I HAVE TO!

Todays Confession: I REALLY like being lazy and spending time with my kiddos.

The Name Game

So...I've been playing around with the blog and I decided to change the url. I came up with didyouflush when I started this blog because I was in a hurry and couldn't think of anything else...I had just asked my son if he had flushed the toilet and so thats what I put. Corny I know. The change was needed.

Teaka (Tee-kuh) is a nickname that a 2 year old has given. Not just any 2 year old but one that I love dearly. Alana's birthday buddy. Justin. He is a precious little boy and he USE to say kia just fine. One day he started calling me Teaka out of nowhere. He still calls me that. So I figured why not use it. Thus the name...Teaka's Truths. The url is now http://teakastruths.blogspot.com/

ENJOY.