A Decision Not Made Lightly

We're going to homeschool. This was a HARD decision for me. I've struggled with it for at least 2 years. At first I would NEVER have done it. A friend tried HARD to get me to commit to it but I wouldn't. I had (and still have) SOOOOO many reasons why I didn't want to.

The biggest reason is that I have ZERO patience. You would think that with 3 kids that my bucket of patience would be overflowing but really...I have none. Especially when it comes to school type work. I had these vivid flashes of yelling and screaming at my child if he didn't do his work the right way or in a timely manner.

Reason number 2: I don't want my kids to miss out. There are things like sports, band, clubs, and FRIENDS that schools offer that I didn't want my kids to be deprived of. I was afraid that they would regret missing those things.

Another Reason was that I REALLY like my free time. The idea of having my kids with me ALL THE TIME just wasn't very enticing to me. I LOVE my kids but sometimes I need a break. Don't you?

I'm not very organized either. How on this earth am I going to homeschool if I can't even keep everyday stuff organized? Yeah we'll see.

I felt like I was committing to a lifetime of homeschooling. I wasn't looking at it as just one year at a time. I was trying to tackle the next 18 years of my childrens lives. That my friends is a big bolder to shoulder.

What happened next? Well I spent many nights talking myself out of it. Telling God why I couldn't do it. I suggest that if you don't want to do something then don't tell God WHY you CAN'T because he WILL show you that you CAN.

I now have more patience with my children.

I have been coming across a TON of activities my kids can do that don't involve the school system and quite honestly seem to be better and look like more fun than the things they do. Including lots of 'field trips' we can take and optimist ball and homeschool sports groups and so on. As far as friends go...We spend alot of time at church and there are plenty of kids there. Not to mention optimist ball.

I joined a gym. This gym has child watch. Free time for me :).

My organization skills have improved a teeny tiny bit. But I'm working on it and I have every reason to believe that by August I'll have improved a good bit and if I haven't IT WILL BE OK.

I stopped looking at the next 18 years and started focusing on the PRESENT. Not even one year at a time. One MOMENT at a time. Homeschooling is going to be difficult for me and I'll have to take things as they come.

You see...I had and still have reservations. But those reservations aren't too big for God to tackle. I had and still have many reasons why I don't want to do it but those reasons aren't good enough. I TRIED to leave God out of it and just send my child to school. Public school isn't THAT bad...after I all...I made it. My child will get Jesus at church and at home I said. I had built up this wall. Lord you can have me but not that part. Leave that part alone because I'm telling you I CAN'T do it and I don't WANT to do it. But He wouldn't leave me alone. It seemed like EVERY. SINGLE. sermon at church had to do with me and homeschooling. Every lesson in sunday school was about me and homeschooling. Every devotion I did was about me and homeschooling. Do you think He was sending me a message? God...really? You REALLY want me to do this? I know You don't mean for me to actually DO THIS. ........do You? Are you sure?

So I started looking into it. I had looked into briefly before but wasn't impressed. This time I looked harder and what do you know. I actually found something that I LIKED and got excited about! I can't wait to start it actually. Now I KNOW that this excitement may be short lived but even thats a far cry from where I was 2 years ago. My husband had left the decision up to me. At first he didn't want me to anymore than I wanted to but now he wants me to do it. He isn't making me do it but he is behind me all the way. We have agreed that this is our only option for now.

I'm not going to lie and say I know this is going to be great. I KNOW we will have bad days and I KNOW I will have days when I doubt my ability and patience. I already have those days and we haven't even started yet. But when I look at the alternative it scares me. I mean really. Do you have any idea who your childs teacher is? Or what they are teaching your child? Or what is going on in your childs life for 7 hours everyday? Yeah you know the teachers name and you know what subjects they are learning and you know they are at school. Think about how vague that is. And to be quite honest...Jordan hasn't learned very much from school this year. I know its just kindergarten but what he HAS learned has been from home mostly.

I don't know where the future will lead us. There are alot of misconceptions about homeschooling. So many people have no idea what it can really be like. They imagine this kid who isn't allowed out of the house and who is socially deprived. Homeschooling has many different options. I'm hoping there will be an umbrella school around here in the next few years or maybe in a few years we'll have another option but for now we will homeschool....much to my dismay. It was definitely a decision not made lightly. I can rest easy now though. And I've learned to NEVER tell God I can't do something again.

Today's confession: I'm scared of homeschooling but I know God will help me through it. I still have my whiny 'buts' and I'm sure they won't go away. He brought me to it so He'll lead me through it.